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Make your own goals, not societal goals

05 December 2014, 18:12 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - You know when you wake up in the morning, and you are trying to do everything all at once so that you are just not late for work. And work is more important so you forego doing something like either have the breakfast or put on foundation, yes I am talking to the woman, because rarely if ever will a man change his mind about a shirt he already picked out last night. And if he had not, he will grab the one closest to him.

He is trying to get to work not win a beauty pageant.

It is the same way when you hit that dreaded age where you realize that you have done everything; career wise, socially, business… but family wise you have just come short because you do not have a husband or a child. But wait, is it coming up short or is it something you decided on your own. As alien as it may sound to a lot of us, especially in our society some women just do not want to have a husband neither do they want children. And what I think is that maybe of criticizing them, maybe we really should applaud them. The African woman is constantly under pressure, get the job, keep upgrading your educational level, get a husband and have a family-mind you, all of these should be done in you late twenties and latest thirty because when you hit forty you are old news and the men have better fish to fry.

But along the way as you keep reaching one goal to the next, you start realizing that maybe some things that you had put down on the list are not things you really want but what others want. The worst are probably the parents because you do not want to disappoint them, when it comes to them wanting the grandchildren; worst case scenario is when you are an only child so all that duty is falling on your shoulders. What you really cannot find yourself telling them is that maybe you do not want the family. Because to them either it is unnatural, someone has bewitched you or they think you need to see some doctor for your problems so that you can feel better and do what they want.

Some women as hard as it may sound are just not maternal, that is why I insist that maybe we really should applaud them because why should someone bring another human being in this world whom they would saddle onto someone else and be less concerned about. Not just the child but the husband, you make her have a family and yet, she is less concerned on what the going ons of the husband are. That is how some women end up with the John Kiriamitis of this century. They did not want to but they had to.

Our society is one that likes engaging everyone in all its stereotyping, decision making and say-so. If we decide this, then we are all going to do it. Some of these women just pretend they forgot ad time rushed past them when truth be told it was a consciously made decision that they did not let anyone else in on so that they can avoid all the inquisition and being second guessed. Does it make any woman, less of a woman if she does not aspire to societal standards of what a normal woman should aspire to? Because at the end of the day, we are over 30million and counting, so if one woman is kind enough to not add onto the extra mouths then we should all learn to respect her decision as relatives, sisters, friends, brothers and for those whom it is hardest on, the parents.

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- MyNews24

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