Lying about sex saves relationships
23 July 2015, 13:51
Nairobi -First of all let me start by saying I am a very terrible
liar and I am sure so are the most of you who think you are actually good at
If you have been in a relationship for a while, you probably
have a tell (what you do/ sign when you are lying) and your partner knows it.
That is why when you are a couple you will rarely if ever get away with lying
unless you are actually really good at it.
Every other person will tell you that honesty is the best
thing that you can ever do for the success of you relationship. Which I agree
with that. If you want something to actually work from the get go, you have to
outline your expectations, wants and needs in an honest light. You cannot lie
about those because that is setting yourself up.
What about sex? Same applies for sex. It is even better to
be upfront in the beginning so that you can fix any re-occurring holes and see
if both of you match in that compatibility department. Because the truth is as
much as some people will tell you that sex is only a fraction of the
relationship, it is true, but a very important fraction.
After going it at it for a while, unless you are in a long
distance relationship or you rarely see each other, that spark fazes out from
time to time. Also things change and what you might have liked or appreciated
from the beginning does not seem to work anymore. In sex. Problem is that it
will not happen the same for the both of you but for one of you and one partner
ends up feeling unfulfilled.
You can talk about and fix everything else. Someone not
behaving properly? You tell them, they do so to keep the peace. If they want
to. Someone not communicating, you talk to them, and they can easily adjust on
the same. That is all on the emotional level. To get to that level with your
partner, you have to go through the physical level. You cannot be emotionally
close to your partner if you are no longer into them in a physical and intimate
level. In my opinion. You disagree? Look at it this way. Every time your
partner touches you or tries to be intimate with you and you pull back, you
close them off on an emotional level. They will not want to open up to someone
who finds them either repulsive, disgusting or no longer attractive.
Eventually, frustration kicks in and along with it so do some other things.
As I was saying, so what do you do if and when you no longer
find your partner attractive? You are not yet old and grey and so are they;
meaning that they still hope for that side of the relationship. This is when
someone tells you that you will not understand what is wrong with the
relationship. On the surface it looks good but it is suffering for them because
one partner is not being satisfied. So you want to fix it because everything
else is actually really good in the relationship and if you work on your sex
lives it will all go back on track.
Do you lie when you are not in the mood? It is hard to fake
arousal unless you have someone else in mind. That is a bad move because it
will make you want them and not your partner eventually. I think, if you want
to save the relationship, you should at least act interested but open yourself
up to foreplay that leads up to sex. That way, even if you were not in the mood,
you will be on your way there. Saying no every other time is what kills a
relationship; that is why I said act even if you are not in the mood for your
partner’s sake. Say you are willing even if you have to choke that word out but
let them know that they have to be patient because you were not there with them
yet. Unless you actually do find them repulsive which is what a constant no
Do you lie that it feels good and you are okay in the sex
department when you are not? No. Do not. I do not think you should fake
something that should actually be an enjoyment for you and your partner. This
is one of the most fixable things. This does not work? I am sure that something
else will do. If you are both willing to experiment and learn anew. Just tell
your partner. The worst thing you will ever do is tell a lie that will be a
constant. They will keep repeating it thinking it is good and you will be
constantly have to put a face on just for that performance. Eventually you get
tired and they will ask, ‘so this whole time….?’
What about their features? Young couples that are yet to
have children have all the time to work on themselves. Not that I am giving an
excuse for married couples but married couples are the ones that normally
change. Here, you might have to actually lie to spare your spouse’s feelings if
you do have a care for them. If you are
yet to be married on the other hand and attraction does actually faze out, you
will have to think carefully on this. Committing to someone for the rest of your
life is committing to fulfilling their desires. If they are no longer what you
want, think very carefully because you are starting that relationship/ marriage
on a really wrong foot. You are setting yourself up for cheating, not lying but
actual cheating especially if it is something else that is making you tie that
knot and not them.
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