Love him as much as he loves you
15 July 2015, 15:48
Nairobi - When you are told that a marriage or a relationship is hard
work, they do not mean that one person works for it while the other one is just
there for the ride.
It does not mean that the work comes from you alone while
your partner does you the favor of being in it with you without any efforts on
Someone who is undecided on whether they want to be in a
relationship with you is not someone that is meant for you. Hard work does not
come in the form of you going the extra mile for them. The one who has to make
a call to invite them to anything. The one that has to always apologize for all
arguments in the effort to make it work. It does not mean that you have to compromise
for this person because they need time to see how valuable you are or can be in
Hard work in a relationship simply means that you are
working at it with someone who is in it with you. They want to be with you and
do not need time to be convinced. You should never forget that. Most people get
chosen as a second or third option by someone thinking that your partner just
needed time to be ready and you finally convinced them. You do not know that
after they ran out of luck with their first pick, you were the fall back plan.
Why should you be the one that is always supportive but you
do not get the same from this person? You ask them about their work, boss and
give advice but they do not care two wits about you. Have they ever asked you about
what is happening to you without you doing it first? Have they ever called to
ask about your day as you religiously do? All in the name of fighting for what
you believe the both of you can have if you only try harder? All in the name of
fighting for someone you think is ‘meant’ for you?
Theirs is nothing such as being meant for someone if they do
not believe in the same with you. You are letting someone take advantage of
your generosity which should be saved for someone who will value it. Look at it
in monetary terms, I am not talking material, but equate all your efforts and
‘to do’ that you do in terms of shillings/ dollars.
Look at it as different markets or currencies. You are a
Kenyan shilling, he or she might have another Ugandan shilling on the side and
a Tanzanian or Zimbabwe as well. All of you are apparently fighting to be with
this person who is undecided about him or herself. You are pouring all the
value you have as the Kenyan currency on someone who is betting against you
with less attractive currencies. In other words you are devaluing your efforts
for someone who is not worth it.
I am a believer of fighting for what you want and going
after it but you should also know when to draw the line. You might win by the
way but these are the same people that when you miss a step are quick to remind
you how much of a hotcake they were and how you fought for them. How you should
appreciate them and you start regretting it because too late you realize how
much power over you, that you gave them when it should have been a 50-50. The
right partner should always meet you half the way. That is what makes love
really easy in some relationships. You see them working, being pressed down all
the time with something new but they are also thriving as a couple and you
never understand it. You are thinking that they should just leave each other.
What you fail to see is their desire to want to be with each other, try it for
each other and work around every obstacle that is against them.
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