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Kenyan women to blame for bad behaviour from our men

23 December 2014, 18:01 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - 20 out of 20 times that a man is with you, he is testing you to know how far he can get away with something, what is acceptable to you or unacceptable and where you just draw the proverbial line.

Let’s take the example of Danson Mungatana; the guy has more than two women under his wing, I think three and truth is, he can add on as many as he wants and none of the women will have a say in it. Because the first wife allowed the second wife to come in, she may not have allowed but it still happened. The second has no say whatsoever because she breached the first marriage.  Do you think, all these other Kenyan men out here would not like to have as many wives, especially when they are young and pretty and they can afford it? It is because the wife drew the line a long time ago, and that is why some resort to having the hidden women that pop up when he is six feet under and cannot be further mutilated.

But for most of us women, we never learn to draw the line especially in the beginning of any relationship because we are just too tired of the single title and are afraid that we cannot do better for the time being. So we let him get away with all sorts of things because at the back of your mind you are telling yourself that that is what men do. It is not what men do, if a man likes you and is genuinely interested in you he will not make you jump through hoops as you make him do.

He says he will call, he does not, and so you do and make up an excuse for him in the process. He ticks that off his list because he now knows he can get away with it. He forgets about the date he asked you out on, so you do not call him out on it because you want him to not think you are desperate yet you were dressed up for it. You forgive and he checks that off his list too.

As the relationship progresses, there is more bad behavior that you put up with and by the time you have a ring on your finger, you know the man is bad for you, does not treat you as you would like him too. Everyone who knows about it points it out, but you hold on because your self-esteem is too low by then as he drags you through the mud.

Because he knows he can get away with it. That is how stand up women who are too good and walk on water with the best of them, end up with men who pile dirt on them. He knows he can get away with it, and he will continue to do so after marriage. I do not know where women got the notion of marriage changing men because that never works.

If he is doing it now, he will still do it after you are married and it will be worse because he knows you will not leave him. You consciously chose to be with him since he is better than the two boyfriend you previously had.

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