Nairobi - The thing about technology is that it’s difficult to fathom. I’m one of those always getting caught out in embarrassing situations. I have a new smart phone and I'm still trying to understand how it works. All the gizmos have got me confused and this is five months since I bought it.
So yes, as a study I read somewhere said, nearly 60% of the world’s population reveres technology, embraces it, but takes time to get used to it.
Like a small baby learning how to walk and the IEBCs electronic voting system...
Google gave us stunning statistics about Kenyans and their online behaviour early this year, and despite not having a PHD; it was obvious that Kenyans search more about sex online accumulatively than they do anything else.
Still on the sex topic, I have a female friend who has been telling me about her frustrations with the husband and their sex life.
Where, why? Guess? Oral sex.
Again, I do not need a PHD to get that right.
So in the past couple of weeks I went out of my way to try find out if my friend’s problem was isolated. Was it just her husband who hates oral sex? Is it a general problem? And thus I spoke to a group of people (100 to be exact) to seek their views, of which I have to say taught me a few jolly lessons.
For the purposes of this article, I will use subjects 98, 99 and 100, Robert, Chantelle and Lucy whom I popped the question to.
Robert, what are your views on oral sex?
“What kind of question is that? I find it very disgusting. Yuck! Nani anataka kwenda huko (who wants to go there)?Mimi iyo kazi sifanyi, si lazima ndio ni-enjoy the main event, na kama ni requirement afadhali ikae, kuna wengi wengine wenye hawaihitaji (I do not do that kind of work and I do not require it to enjoy the main event and if it is a requirement then I would rather stay without. There are many others whom I can go to who do not ask or require it).
So to put it lightly, we girls are always told of a golden rule which is that “To give is DEFINITELY to receive.” So at this point what I am thinking is, 1. Robert has never had oral sex or 2. Robert has received oral sex but has never reciprocated or 3. Robert is simply selfish. I ask which it is and he says he lies at number 2 meaning 3 also applies to him.
Is oral sex part of sexual fulfillment in relationships? Obviously for Robert it is not. Is he missing out? He thinks not so much.
As I heard from to be exact 83 of the 100 people I spoke to, Kenyan men are not comfortable with oral sex, they want to receive but they do not want to return the favour.
I ask Chantelle (subject 99) of her opinion on the matter and the answer is the same, guys hate oral sex.
So from the small research done, men like receiving but not giving, while women do not mind doing both but rarely receive. So question is what happens to the girls who like to give but get nothing in return.
Does this mean that they are not sexually fulfilled? Not so it seems, others just do not like to but they do not mind giving. Lucy my salonist states that she does not mind going down on her man, but she does not like it in return. For her, the idea of someone’s face down there is too embarrassing.
Which moves me on to my next point.
I gather that sex is like science, chemistry and biology with all the mystery in chemystery, and byeology if it does not work for either party. You need to understand your partner and find a solution that ticks, to make up for your lack of enthusiasm in other departments.
But not for oral sex? So it seems.
And to my third point, reasons for shunning oral sex.
Main point I got was that hygiene, on both sides is the major stumbling block. For 80% of the guys I spoke to, they felt that the woman they are or were with is not well groomed and they do not trust those parts of the anatomy with their mouths. The remaining 20% just can’t put themselves to it. It’s about their belief.
For most men then, cleanliness is a major factor; bad odour is a big turn-off. That does not mean applying overzealous tactics (Some spray themselves down there). It just, means be clean! Shower properly, use clean underwear, and eat well ladies. Apparently when you eat some fruits, pineapples and strawberries, it improves the experience!
Another major turn-off: bodily fluids! At this point we are assuming both parties know each others’ status. This cannot really be helped unless you can induce chronic dryness; there is no getting around it. It is part of the reason for stimulation-lubrication. One suggestion given by a few respondents was to use flavoured condoms; I cannot put my two cents on that since I have never done it nor do I understand it. Takes the joy away in my opinion!
If I will be truly honest, before the research, I questioned Kenyan men for their poor standards and rigidity as regards oral sex, but I finally got their point.
It is frowned upon by the African man as too western an act and it is even worse if the women are not in the best shape to induce it.
Can you be in an awesome relationship minus oral sex? Some may say no, others yes, and from what I have learnt, many women are frustrated their men do not do it. But as we have learnt from this episode, get clean ladies and the man will at-least try figure his way out.
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