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Kenyan girl: Take control of your sex life

10 September 2014, 19:00 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - After a certain period of time, most relationships suffer from boring sex. I do not think love comes into this. Some are driven to flirting outside, just to get that spark going. Others go to extremes of cheating to alleviate the boredom. It is not that either party may feel less for the other, although in most cases it eventually degenerates to that, but, the sex life is just boring.

At times someone is just not good at all. You can just imagine, there is that person you have been having these intense ‘moments’ with. There is a definite spark, they are attractive, you are attractive; so you decide to ask them out. After a while, the moment of reckoning comes, you end up in bed, but wait- nothing. You just feel nothing, after all that build up.
Some people are just not thirsty enough for it and wait for it to be handed down to them like manna from heaven. Waiting for your resurrection, or waiting to receive is the worst thing you can ever do to yourself. You create room for deception, and you really are missing out. In our case, women are missing out because they are just afraid to find ways to get their own satisfaction. The worst thing you can do, is just to go there, and lie down. It’s called the starfish syndrome.

Read also: Risky sex position: The butter churner

You are not even aware of what is happening. The guy even regrets being there, and you leave thinking you did him a great favour. But, the joke is on you, there are women out there, who have the guts to learn about their bodies and know what it is that makes them tick. Then they use that information to get what they want.

I am not saying you bark out orders like a marine operative, but if something is not working, you are allowed to say so, and show a man what does. If you are not vocal, use your hands, move a bit. Men are not mind readers.  But this will only work if you also know your own body. You are even allowed to use those aunties from Uganda, I don’t know what they are called. But they do have tricks up their sleeves.

So far I have talked about you, but the guy also has to enjoy it. And the power does literally lie in your hands, be a game changer not just another notch on his bed post.

Read also: 'Nude' underwear for dark skin tones is (finally) here

Casual sex limits the number of experiments and exploits but otherwise be open to oral sex, but only if it is reciprocated, otherwise you are allowed to say no. Foreplay is good, not just for women, but also guys. Allow for slow progression, do not just jump from the mouth to down under. You are allowed to kiss, lick and touch, the neck, the arms, the back. There are many positions to work with, find out about them. Spice it up and do not just limit it to the bedroom.

Sex does not come with a manual but it is a continuous learning process. If it becomes boring, you only have yourself to blame because you allowed it.

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