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Is your man or woman making an effort to be with you?

30 January 2015, 13:03 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Contrary to popular belief, a man is not a Neanderthal caveman that beats his chest and roars at every mishap or disgruntlement that he comes across. Men can care and furthermore they can reach a point that they actually get not to care about what they might have one point in time treasured and deeply respected.

When that happens at times calling it quits is usually the furthest thing from his mind because he does not want to put too much effort in what all that will involve instead he chooses to just go through the motions. As a woman, when that time arrives that is when you really do realize that when you thought he did not care that is when he actually did. Now that he does not, you see the difference and it scares you to admit that what you thought was no effort in his part was actually a man bleeding himself dry; for you and maybe what you have built up until then.

Does not have to apply to your relationship only, might be his struggle to provide for you, the business that you really wanted and he had no time for or dealing with your family; all the demands that you always had.

Making an everyday effort to appreciate the person that you are with can be difficult. It’s not just the men alone who go unrewarded but the women too, it is just that we are more vocal about it. We like to walk around tell that friend who maybe just feels better that at least she is not in a sinking ship alone. Or telling the in-laws at a family gathering in a slightly high voice so that he can hear and maybe just maybe; change his ways and suddenly get the light bulb going off with static at the top of his head. Problem is that when your intentions are only good he is starting to think of how he did not see how much of a nag you were becoming.  Then score 1 for the mpango wa kando and 0 for the wifey, if he already has set himself up with one that is where he is headed after the Nyama Choma Saturday.

You can have a to do list for your spouse problem is 10/10 times they end up doing the ones you needed the least and neglecting to do the one that was most mandatory.  I like swallowing my own words and choking at them at times because when you do something and the other person does not do their part, it gets to you and the color of your eyes just change and you are seeing red at that time. Your feelings can even stretch towards regret, dislike and wondering why they cannot be like so and so and do as they are told. But when you are in a relationship, the words please, sorry and thank you are not just meant for the people in kindergarten and a lot of us forget to appreciate when someone does something for us.

Look at it this way, when you worked hard in school, then got that medal or trophy, did it not just make you want to work harder yet the report card still hard that one subject that made you have the missing mark. The same principle applies to relationships, when you award the smallest of gestures your partner will work harder next time not to forget the other things on your list.

If that mandatory is not done, just close your eyes until the red ebbs away show appreciation for what was done and do it yourself. Next time they will work harder and to do it for you.

Maybe it is the food that you slaved on for hours and he ate like it was from his local and went on TV mode. Or the fact that you asked he pick that suit that you need in the morning and he forgot. When such a time comes just remember that time he took you on a surprise get away last month or the shopping you did on his card last weekend, just smile and look for a plan b because it is never that serious and the now does not have to affect the every other day.

On the other hand, if you have a man that does not even show an inch of anything and takes you for granted then kick him to curb because there is always someone better down the road.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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