Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.

Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.


MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24 Kenya. The stories here come from users.

Latest Badges:

Independent women are treated badly

02 June 2015, 17:18 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Before you raise your horses, hear me out!

I am not talking because I read someone’s biography and felt inspired. I hate biographies! Neither am I writing from a ‘basic, kitchen cleaning while barefoot and pregnant’ stereotype. No, this is something I have experienced recently and I sat down and thought of all the independent women I know. And “ping!” that light bulb upstairs went.


I will start by telling you my most recent personal drama that made me come to this conclusion.

Some man who is trying to fit me in his box with a lot of platitudes and no gift bearing is passing through my life. Do not get angry because I like gifts, what woman does not? It is the one thing that we cannot surprise ourselves with- a gift (s).


He comes into my life and tells me how he respects me for what I do and trying to get myself on my feet. He talks about respecting me for my hustle and how he would like a woman like me. When they say men can talk honey out of bees it is because it is true. Initially, these person was suitably in the friend zone but after a period of time, when you are doing something, no one recognizes it and some man comes and tells you how he respects it; you fall! Just agree with me ladies, you fall! The, nos became yes and I agreed to give this individual a piece of my time to show me what he was about since he was bragging about how he will treat this woman like a queen.I will remind you that you only get one chance with me and this man miserably failed. Not because he made me walk, he did not take me to The Boma or made me eat Ugali. The date never even happened. Ask me why.

His ex apparently got rushed into hospital, he had to go and did not think that I even deserved a call to make me aware of the situation. I have nothing against sick people but when your man, or wanna be man asks for your time and he chooses her over you. It is not about you having to be understanding it is about him learning his priorities early in the game.


Where does the independence come in? She is the jobless one, with nothing to do and always needing someone to hold her hand while she crosses the street. I, on the other hand, I am the one that you will leave in a restaurant, you know will have enough money to pay my own bill and my taxi back home or to the club to buy myself drinks and move on! He made his choice, he knew I could handle myself without him and he chose the other because she could not! You can tell me I was being cruel but that hospital was not running away and if you are at MP Shah, you are covered. So in my opinion you are not that needy! Needy is when you are burnt and you run from hospital to hospital and no one will take you because you have no insurance.


Why do I think it is just not this man and every other man who treats the independent woman like crap?


It is the Kenyan man that will eventually stop paying fees because he knows that his woman can. He will make stupid investment decisions with his money, drink it away, prioritize other people outside of his family because his fall back plan is his wife. She knows how to handle herself and her business. So he is free when he is being stupid with money because he married the independent woman to be his collateral.


They do not want the independent, good woman so that they can respect her and present her as his wife who is good, has inner beauty and can smile even when he presents a negative bank statement. He wants her because when he makes stupid decisions, she will carry him too. She will carry his children and his extended family as well.

I have witnessed the Kenyan man that will forget to pay rent this month and three months down the line will still come back to the same house and never be bothered by why the landlord is yet to call and move them out. On the fourth month, he will not pay because he now knows the wife can handle that situation so he will reroute that money to some scheme, a mpango wa kando, a long lost relative or some shack that is meant to be a business without a care. At the end of the day, the wife has sorted it out and when he has a loss in the hand he will shrug and say he has not lost anything-it could have gone to that rent that has already been paid.


He will stop committing himself to the household because his wife is independent and she can deal with whatever situation he drops on her plate. That is why the Kenyan man is crying for the independent woman not because he will want a partner to share his burdens with but someone who can take care of them when he feel like sleeping.


This man came into my life for a short period of one month and in all that serenading, he was splitting his time between me and the ex. Her getting the tall end of the stick and me having to stick up for myself the whole time and not giving leeway to all that crap he was trying to feed me.


That is where all the women make a mistake, you are independent yes, but do not let a man disrespect that independence by not doing what he is meant to do. If you are married, it’s already a habit that can be hard to change but if you are a girlfriend put it on breaks right now. It is his duty to treat you as you should be treated, take care of you and your baggage. Spend his money on you and not siphon it to some other females all in the name of you being independent.


Your independent is there to show that you actually do not need him and can break free if he plays too much but not for you to pay for the dinner when his wallet is misplaced two weekends in a row. He asks you on a date, you pay for it-common courtesy is, whoever asks the other out is the one that shall pay for it. It is his house, but you pay the rent. It is his child but he there just to be seen. I hope you are getting the drift.


Moral of the story: your independence is not someone’s crutch but your nest egg. That’s it!

For the latest on national news, politics, sport, entertainment and more follow us on Twitter and like our Facebook page!


- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

Read News24’s Comments Policy

Comment on this story
Comments have been closed for this article.

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Cyril Mike Odhiz
Kenyans furious on young lady aft...

A young Kenyan woman is the talk of town after she posted a photo with her elderly lover after a round of steamy sex, or so the photo suggested.  Read more...

Submitted by
Kiplangat langat
Uhuru could be a one term Presid...

Bomet governor Isaac Ruto has said that President Uhuru Kenyatta could be a one term President if he fails to increase allocations to the counties. Read more...

Submitted by
Mody Sammy
35 year old farmer a new milliona...

A 35 year old farmer from Mpeketoni Lamu county has become the latest millionaire in town as she became winner in the ongoing ‘Shinda Mamili na Story Ibambe’. Read more...

Submitted by
Shakila Alivitsa
Leave your past relationship bagg...

Leave your past relationship baggage at the door when you start a new relationship. Read more...

Submitted by
Shakila Alivitsa
Advice from a young married Kenya...

I was just going to get water in the office kitchen and thought a simple hi was fine until I ended up in an hour long conversation with someone. Read more...

Submitted by
Shakila Alivitsa
Helping you find the type of man ...

To put it simply, you can’t go looking for fish in a meat market; you have to go to a fish market. Read more...