Independent women are treated badly
02 June 2015, 17:18
Nairobi - Before you raise your horses, hear me out!
I am not talking because I read someone’s biography and felt
inspired. I hate biographies! Neither am I writing from a ‘basic, kitchen
cleaning while barefoot and pregnant’ stereotype. No, this is something I have
experienced recently and I sat down and thought of all the independent women I
know. And “ping!” that light bulb upstairs went.
I will start by telling you my most recent personal drama
that made me come to this conclusion.
Some man who is
trying to fit me in his box with a lot of platitudes and no gift bearing is
passing through my life. Do not get angry because I like gifts, what woman does
not? It is the one thing that we cannot surprise ourselves with- a gift (s).
He comes into my life and tells me how he respects me for
what I do and trying to get myself on my feet. He talks about respecting me for
my hustle and how he would like a woman like me. When they say men can talk
honey out of bees it is because it is true. Initially, these person was
suitably in the friend zone but after a period of time, when you are doing
something, no one recognizes it and some man comes and tells you how he
respects it; you fall! Just agree with me ladies, you fall! The, nos became yes and I agreed to give this
individual a piece of my time to show me what he was about since he was
bragging about how he will treat this woman like a queen.I will remind you that
you only get one chance with me and this man miserably failed. Not because he
made me walk, he did not take me to The Boma or made me eat Ugali. The date never even happened. Ask
His ex apparently got rushed into hospital, he had to go and
did not think that I even deserved a call to make me aware of the situation. I
have nothing against sick people but when your man, or wanna be man asks for your time and he chooses her over you. It is
not about you having to be understanding it is about him learning his
priorities early in the game.
Where does the independence come in? She is the jobless one,
with nothing to do and always needing someone to hold her hand while she
crosses the street. I, on the other hand, I am the one that you will leave in a
restaurant, you know will have enough money to pay my own bill and my taxi back
home or to the club to buy myself drinks and move on! He made his choice, he
knew I could handle myself without him and he chose the other because she could
not! You can tell me I was being cruel but that hospital was not running away
and if you are at MP Shah, you are covered. So in my opinion you are not that
needy! Needy is when you are burnt and you run from hospital to hospital and no
one will take you because you have no insurance.
Why do I think it is just not this man and every other man
who treats the independent woman like crap?
It is the Kenyan man that will eventually stop paying fees
because he knows that his woman can. He will make stupid investment decisions
with his money, drink it away, prioritize other people outside of his family
because his fall back plan is his wife. She knows how to handle herself and her
business. So he is free when he is being stupid with money because he married
the independent woman to be his collateral.
They do not want the independent, good woman so that they
can respect her and present her as his wife who is good, has inner beauty and
can smile even when he presents a negative bank statement. He wants her because
when he makes stupid decisions, she will carry him too. She will carry his
children and his extended family as well.
I have witnessed the Kenyan man that will forget to pay rent
this month and three months down the line will still come back to the same
house and never be bothered by why the landlord is yet to call and move them
out. On the fourth month, he will not pay because he now knows the wife can
handle that situation so he will reroute that money to some scheme, a mpango wa kando, a long lost relative
or some shack that is meant to be a business without a care. At the end of the
day, the wife has sorted it out and when he has a loss in the hand he will
shrug and say he has not lost anything-it could have gone to that rent that has
already been paid.
He will stop committing himself to the household because his
wife is independent and she can deal with whatever situation he drops on her
plate. That is why the Kenyan man is crying for the independent woman not
because he will want a partner to share his burdens with but someone who can
take care of them when he feel like sleeping.
This man came into my life for a short period of one month
and in all that serenading, he was splitting his time between me and the ex.
Her getting the tall end of the stick and me having to stick up for myself the
whole time and not giving leeway to all that crap he was trying to feed me.
That is where all the women make a mistake, you are
independent yes, but do not let a man disrespect that independence by not doing
what he is meant to do. If you are married, it’s already a habit that can be
hard to change but if you are a girlfriend put it on breaks right now. It is
his duty to treat you as you should be treated, take care of you and your
baggage. Spend his money on you and not siphon it to some other females all in
the name of you being independent.
Your independent is there to show that you actually do not
need him and can break free if he plays too much but not for you to pay for the
dinner when his wallet is misplaced two weekends in a row. He asks you on a
date, you pay for it-common courtesy is, whoever asks the other out is the one
that shall pay for it. It is his house, but you pay the rent. It is his child
but he there just to be seen. I hope you are getting the drift.
Moral of the story: your independence is not someone’s
crutch but your nest egg. That’s it!
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