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If he is not doing anything in your life, kick him out

11 March 2015, 16:37 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - So today in the matatu as I was in heading to work, I witnessed something not too monumental but it warranted some of my attention as it resonated with me on too many levels.

This woman got in and promptly proceeded to her seat.  There was some man who had gotten in before her and apparently they knew each other. Before he alighted, this man asked her where she was getting off and he gave her the money to pay for her fare (chivalry is not that dead in some Kenyan men). This is in Rongai, you all know how expensive it can get when you live in this region of the country. Before you all start assuming things, she did not look like a prostitute neither did she look like his side piece. She was very decent and was headed to work, suit and shaved head, and trust me I can spot a prostitute a mile away.

After witnessing this man’s chivalry as a young Kenyan lady, I had to assume either he was tuning her, or they were just friends but it made me recall a personal incident that had occurred the previous evening.

Yesterday, on getting home, I found my house locked with two padlocks. If you live in Kenya, and you find two locks on your house; there are only two situations that this might have happened because the second padlock is never yours. A. The agent locked your house or B. the landlord locked your house. In my situation it was A. I feel that I should explain that I had told the landlord that I was leaving in the beginning of the month but due to unexpected circumstances that did not happen. I had explained to him though and thought that he would tell the agents. Also, this man for some time has been eyeing me on the side like a greedy dog after a bone so I assumed that I had some leverage with him. I never missed my rent payments or made him pay for it but this one time I was in a bind I had hoped that his lusty promiscuous appetite would get in the way of his thinking. Wrong!

It did not work out that way and I had to part with some amount of money I order or my house to be unlocked and my water to come back on. Needless to say this man is about to receive some frozen reception from me every time he tries to associate with me. I am yet to see hide or hair of him but he will so get it.

This piece of advice goes to my fellow Kenyan ladies, if he does not help you or make your burdens any lighter, then kick him out! He does not deserve your time, patience, company/companionship, your laughter or sense of humor, your wit or charm. Kick him out. My saying that you need to be independent does not mean that you should entertain some man who does not respect you as a woman that needs to be taken care of. Men were meant to be providers not leeches. If he is not leeching off you, he should be able to put himself in your shoes and see when you need help and give allowances.

Why stand on the side of the road and offer me a ride when I do not need it? Why try to chat with me on WhatsApp because you are bored and get off on my humor? But when I want to go out, you are not available, or when I need to be taken out of a bind you go MIA, like my landlord. Ladies being independent does not mean you carry anyone on your back other than yourself. If he is not adding onto your life then delete that number right now and screen his calls. Some of this fellows that we deal with are too much.

Trust me, your life will get much better and gaining better perspective when you take the initiative to get the scum out of your life. Look for men who want to pay your fare without you asking rather than those who get you thrown out of the house.

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