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I'd dump him if he is like my father

10 June 2015, 15:14 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I do not know what twisted person came up with that theory that girls usually look for a husband material who does have qualities like their father. But I am sure that it was some scientist somewhere who also had daddy issues, not from Africa though.

The concept of daddy’s girl will only ring a bell with the new age children-maybe my children but growing up the son was the important seed. The girls were just there to count the cows they would afford the family once they were ‘given up’ to the other family. Those cows would then be used to get the boy, THE MAN,of the house his wife. So what am I saying, the girl was just a commodity to be passed around, but there was no daddy’s girl business there, it was the boy that mattered.


I thought it was only I who did not go looking for a man who shared the same ‘qualities’ as my father but we are many. In fact we are looking for the complete polar opposite of our fathers. Let me go further to explain why I think so, but just for the simple reason that we grew up watching our fathers. We know their misdeeds and if my husband pulled the same on me I would not be a very pleasant person.


We grew up watching our fathers be ‘dead-beat dads’

I am not calling my father dead beat, I am just saying that if not for our mother some of us would have missed a lot of school. Some of us would have been drop outs and some of us would have never known what it is to look at the gate of the Campus.

Our mothers may have not gone to fetch water at the river, carried firewood on their back or trekked with us on her back; but she ensured that we were secured when it came to our education, security, clothes, food and shelter.


Our mothers and not our fathers are the cornerstone of what keeps our families together

Put simply, our fathers are the Akuku Danger type. They take that procreation mentality abit too literally, as well as the translation of Adam and Eve in Swahili- Adamu na Hawa! They want to marry more than more woman and help build the world’s population. Acquiring as many wives as he can and chances are he gets them but they are on their own when it comes to upkeep.

I definitely do not want a husband who thinks of the Hawas he can have in his meagre days.

Our mothers are what ensured that a lot of families did not break up because they put up with the bullsh*t our fathers served them. 

Some of us grew up with the philandering father

Dad, I know you think my small mind cannot see what it needs to see but the fact that majority of the children keep quiet is not because they are dumb but because they know divorce and how it can mess up a family. So we just watched and hoped that our mothers would be fine in that AIDS era.


The drunkard father

Chang’aa, busaa, you name it, I do not know the lot of them but each tribe has their own version that our fathers were a champion of. If not those there is always the Tusker and the really cheap liquor. We saw or rather did not see the father who would not show up for days. Or the one who got in jail for drunk and disorderly. My mother took food to my father while he was at Kamiti for giving a ride to a couple of criminals he was drinking with one night. I am not sure if I should applaud my mothers’ strength in marriage at times or sheer dumbness of sticking it out.


The father always experiencing a midlife crisis since he hit thirty

Our parent’s married young and had kids young. So when our dads were being fools while we were children we would applaud them. Now that you are grown up as a woman, you look at your boyfriend and wonder if he ever did the same to you what you would do to him.

 There are a host of reasons as to why we can argue the Kenyan woman in her thirties is still single but let me tell you. Part of it is that you look at the man chasing you, see signs of your father and you just do not want that hustle for the rest of your life. You now understand your mother more than ever.

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