Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.

Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.


MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24 Kenya. The stories here come from users.

Latest Badges:

I want a separate room from my husband

22 June 2015, 15:13 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  My idea of space in a marriage/ relationship may strike one as unnatural, westernized or dumb.

Marriage experts would argue I do not know what I am talking about. Blissful, honeymooning couple will say I am delusional. The pastor will say I am not Christian enough or some other heathenish name. My parents will …oh, my mother, she will not know about it unless she visits-unexpectedly! Single people might agree with me. People who like their independence might agree with me.

Let me tell you how I arrived to my conclusion and thought of the merits and demerits. I was reading browsing through an article and it was talking about the age old saying, ‘couples should not sleep on an argument’. In my mind, there are just some arguments that can be easily solved quickly and there are some that need time and space. So, I asked myself where I would get space if every room in the house is shared or already occupied and you already share the bedroom with your spouse on a daily basis unless they travel. You cannot hope they travel on the day you argue.

That is how some people end up borrowing accommodation from friends, relatives or not just having a place to go when they need time out from their partner. At that point they are usually telling you how they do not mind the intrusion, or you are not inconveniencing them but thing is, you have just called out of the blue and they had not made plans for you. It is also the same way people get bad advice because you arrive being angry and they either add the fire or simmer it down. Most of the time they add fire.  It is also the same way, your business gets out of your household because you were stranded and had to rely on some neighbor for help.

I decided it would probably be a good idea to have a room where mother (I) could withdraw if it all gets out of hand.

It would just be my room, no children, no daddy or anyone to interfere with my space. They could visit but it could be a refuge of sorts for me to relax, unwind from the drama, think and have a place to go if I needed space. Because at times, some arguments cannot just be solved without proper thinking and with the right type of closure. Sometimes you need alone time without someone bickering in the background. At times you do not want to fight for the remote and have to bear everyone’s attitude. At times you as a mother can forget that you also need to take care of yourself and think of you so that you can be alright to take care of everybody else. You cannot do that if you are clouded in judgment, miserable or need alone time but have nowhere to go. The kitchen is not your personal space neither is the guest room. We need that room that is just personalized enough for us that reminds us when we are there not to forget to take care of us. Our mothers forgot to take care of themselves as we grew up and at times they feel desolate when they see things not turning out as they expected and feel they have wasted a lifetime.

A personalized room can also be a bad idea if not used as it should. In a marriage. You need to know it is not the place to go and hide away from problems. Not want to solve anything. Or have a schedule of when to be in your marital bedroom and when to be in your room. Using it to get away from having sex in a relationship is a bad idea. It is a place to relax, not a place to be used as a barrier against your spouse. That is usually the main concern when people want to keep a personal space in the house. When you use it as a barrier in your marriage.

Space can turn out to be distance in a relationship. If you want to have it, be in the right mind to know how and when you can use it. Be mature enough to know that it is not an escape plan but a rejuvenation plan. Know the difference! Know how it can be used to create a healthy relationship with your partner rather than creating an unhealthy one. If you are not an adult, you need not apply!

For the latest on national news, politics, sport, entertainment and more follow us on Twitter and like our Facebook page!

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

Read News24’s Comments Policy

Comment on this story
Comments have been closed for this article.

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Wilson Ochieng
DP Ruto accuses Raila of selling ...

DP Wiliam Ruto has castigated Raila Odinga for seeking western support to fund his 2017 election bid. Read more...

Submitted by
William Korir
Peter Kenneth announces Uhuru 201...

Peter Kenneth has announced that he will support President Uhuru Kenyatta in the 2017 elections. Read more...

Submitted by
Wilon Ochieng
Labour Party to dump both Jubilee...

The Labour Party of Kenya is likely to avoid supportoing both the CORD and Jubilee factions during the 2017 General Elections. Read more...

Submitted by
William Korir
Ukambani MP quits Jubilee, to run...

An Ukambani MP has quit the Jubilee Party, citing voter apathy as his reason behind leaving the ruling coalition. Read more...

Submitted by
Victor Tinto
Government launches probe into Po...

The government has launched an inquiry into the circumstances that could have led to two National Police Service helicopter accidents in August and September this year. Read more...

Submitted by
Wilwon Ochieng
Deputy Governor's ally found with...

The EACC has recovered KES 2 million in fake currency from a close ally of Deputy Governor for Tharaka Nithi Eliud Mati. Read more...