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'I never want to see him again'

03 November 2015, 17:34 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  There are just some things in life that even if people look down on you, you will just have to put your foot down and say that it does not work for you. I am serious. In loving yourself, dating, and relationships; learn to know your mind already and when to put your foot down. I am talking to the women. They will say what they need to say but at the end of the day you made the right decision for you. I read a nice quote today, ‘I can wear a shirt 25 times in a row and 25 times in a row it will still not be any of your business.’ Just so we are clear we are not wearing one shirt-it is not literal. I might sound harsh but I am going to tell you a story about how I tried to give the struggling guy a chance.

I have been talking to this guy, you know, being nice. He tells me he does this and that, trying to come up. I have no problem with hustlers, I can buy my own dinner, I mean. He likes me, I am not there yet but I am single so I decide; let us give this guy a chance because he sounds normal. He is just still trying in life. So one time, one of these weekends, he invites me to his place. I decide I have nothing better to do (okay, maybe I did) at home so why not. That must be the most horrible time I have spent elsewhere outside my bed in my whole entire life.

He took me where he stays; I was still not going to judge. You know those rentals in Kenya that just tell a story before you get in. Still was not going to judge. We get to his door and Lord have mercy! It just told another story. Dirt (not the he has to have a help come in every day but dusty, mud and trash) type, it was messy and musty. I still kept my opinions at bay and sat primly at the edge of the seat. He could see through my eyes that I was not enjoying myself and decides that I am a judgmental person. I had to buy the food because he had no money; yet he is the one who invited me there. We have not gotten to the best part; where I slept. I thought it was dirty and messy, wait until I slept. I am just sleeping peacefully until the middle of the night I feel something/ some things crawling on me. I am thinking it is a mosquito so I swat it. It gets too much I cannot take it anymore; so I wake up and put the lights on. Cockroaches everywhere; on the bed, on my clothes and I am still jumping around with some on myself.

I just looked up to the sky…the ceiling…  and talk to God because it was late and I could not leave. I tell him, ‘this must be why I am considered to have too high standards. I have limits and one has just been crossed.’ If this is experience, I was satisfied. I was going back to the league I play in. I could not even sleep but waited for morning so thirstily. I have never been that excited for six o’clock. Oh, there is an even better part; this man did not have bus fare to get him to town, only enough to get him to work. I paid; I was willing to lose that money as long as I never saw him again. If this is what men mean by a woman who holds him down and looks out for him when he is down, it seems I am not a very good wife material. Thanks but no thanks; I am willing to be non-wife material as long as I do not have to put up with that. Simple hygiene, it is not a science or a discovery; it is just a basic thing that people do.

When I am getting a man into my life, he has to be bringing something to it and not taking out of it. This man was already taking out of it and telling me how he was going to refund me. We need men who know where they are in life, where they would like to be and act like it too. Do not be there posting quotes and talking about women demanding too much when you have no idea of what or where you are. Have an opinion if you are sure but when you are a confused commodity just keep quiet and let the real men talk. Women can tell a lot about a man by simple things by the way. The way he talks, looks (dresses), acts and his house and shoes. I am not talking about expensive shoes but how clean they are. I already knew I was in for it because his shoes were dirty but I ignored my gut.

This is one of my dating chronicles; my grandchildren are going to hear such stories. At the end of the day, I am okay with being single, non-wife material and waiting for the right man for me. A self-made man; we can build from there together; but am not going to be the one to look for bricks, the cement, then stir the mortar and still be the one to put up the house. What do you mean?

Anyway, I am salving my skin at the moment because those mosquitoes and bedbugs got me real good.  Word of advice though; if you are a woman and know you cannot put up with some things, then don’t. They can say what they want, think what they want, call you a gold-digger at the end of the day remember it is you who is going to sleep with the cockroaches.

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- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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