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I know why I am single

17 June 2015, 14:18 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -Settling is bad for my health. Settling in getting a job. Settling to get lesser income. I just can’t, I have tried though. One time I was at a loss and almost applied to be a bar tender/ waitress. Not that there is anything wrong with those jobs, I even felt inspired after watching a movie and hearing the plight of what most people in the diaspora do before they actually get something worthwhile. They do horrible jobs to survive, with worse wages, in worse environments, poor treatment and at a higher cost of living. I figured if they could do it out there, then why I can’t do it here in Kenya while I look for that big break every one of us aims for.

This is where I ruin the story by telling you that I only get as far as thought because I thought of the bars/ locals/ pubs and restaurants you could get such jobs because for the top tier ones you actually need to have hospitality qualifications. So my bet was seedy joints! Yes, I might have gotten tips but not that much and we all know how uncomfortable it can get to deal with the clientele of such places. That idea went out of the window. I could still do it though just that I have another option at the moment and life has yet to push me that hard.

So, I sat down and also thought of my relationship-less state and I already knew I could not settle. But I started to understand why many people choose to settle with individuals some of you may deem unworthy of theirs as well as your time.

I started to understand that at times it is the circumstance you are in that push you to just be with this person who angers you, does not look that good or has some very peculiar habits. Amy Schumer has a very interesting way of looking at things and one of my favorite quotes from her, ‘Every woman around me is getting married, and I guess I am at that point in life where everybody gives up!’ And that is part truth, we all want that good someone, who does things as you expect them and appreciate them to be done, is respectful, does not look too bad on the odd good day but it never ever comes in one package and that is the truth. You will look, and look, and look. But as you look time is also flying, it is not waiting for you and the majority of us want children as we grow old. We do not want to think of fertility clinics at thirty or their costs. We will not feel inspired by the couple that was childless and finally got the break after 10-15 years. If you marry at thirty, you are not thinking of children when you are forty or fifty. That is a lie. They are a blessing but who will run after them?

Eventually what happens is you pick that person who is there at the moment, not what you want, ever wanted or ever aspired to but they will do for the moment. Yes. You have settled but who has time to continue wasting while looking? If they do not beat you, maltreat you, insult you but they respect you and you trust that you can leave your children with them; then they will do!

On the other hand, some relationship expert will tell you how the man you want will not find you at home so you need to get out. Which is true, they are loitering around, you just have to pay attention. I will be honest and tell you that if I am dressing up to go to a coffee shop, it is because I am meeting someone there. I have never gone to any Blankets and Wine or any of those festivals. So already my chances of picking those crops are lowered and I do not think that will change anytime soon. Because how I look at it is that when I am there or out of my house for anything other than work but fun, enjoying myself or relaxing; the last thing on my mind is picking men. It is a good thing if I make friends or get a number here and there but that is rarely my purpose. Already you understand why I am single.

Then again, I will spot you, approach you and ask for your number but the rest is up to you. If you do not follow up then that is not my fault. Or is it? My friends do not think I am bold enough. How bold can you get after asking a man for a number? I draw the line at forcing myself on men. I just can’t. Maybe that is why I am single. Hopefully, this situation will not last because I am not the settling type, who does not like the good things in life? Even the person you share your time with? My problem is, my expectation with my limited validity on this earth is not to use it unwisely. So I think settling is just not for me but I think I will wait for  a few more years before putting myself on some pedestal because you never know what circumstance will force me into what situation.

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