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I have been trapped by a man... Don't be

27 August 2015, 16:33 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I have been caught in a trap. My advice to you is do not get caught in such a trap.

What trap am I talking about? Taking care of a man that is not yours, has never been yours, has never claimed you and is not in the process of doing so. That is what we call serving up some wife/girlfriend duties without making someone earn them. Learning things while you are still young is always a good thing because you later make better decisions and even if no one gives you a pat on the back, you give yourself one.

I am a very blunt person, and in that, I have forced my mother to be one as well. So I decided to tell her about my latest escapade with one Kenyan male species that like to identify as “gentlemen”. 

I go to the dentist to get some work done, he has my number because I am a client but it soon becomes obvious that he wants to move me out of his client zone. After a couple of conversations, no date, not even a glass of water, nothing! He asks me, ‘sasa, utakuja kunivisit lini kwangu?’ (When will you come visit me at my house?) The nerve! But I have such a nice calm resting face that I just smiled and said I do not know.  He already expects wife duties and he has yet to even offer me a glass of water.

This is when my mother cuts in and takes over the conversation. ‘You girls these days are so easy. I hope you do not jump in and just go to bed with every man you meet.’

You can get angry that a man is not giving you a title after all you have done for him. It is allowed but it is not his problem but yours. Why did you allow it to happen in the first place?

It could have been easy for me to agree to go to his house and cook the meal because I want to show him I am a good cook. Show him why he should make me his girlfriend. Thing is it never ends with eating and before you know it you are in some man’s bed. Then it becomes an everyday occurrence. You still do not have a title though. That is the trap I am talking about.

Now there you are having sex with the man and making him meals. Mending shirts and doing laundry. Are you a girlfriend or just a maid who has sex with the owner of the house? Harsh but that is the truth. It is good to have those qualities that men admire. It is good to know how to do all those things that men appreciate: cooking, cleaning, help pay the bills, have sex and spread the bed too. By the time you are done and start realizing you are getting nowhere with the guy.

You are drained, he has another roaster to go through and you realize all this time, you were taking care of another woman’s man. Upgrading him so that she can just swoop in for the good parts. That is what is called being easy. Handing out privileges to someone who has not claimed you as his.

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