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I don't date men who will not help me

25 May 2015, 18:23 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I was having a conversation with a resurrected girlfriend of mine and she was bemoaning the fact that I am an introvert whom for the past few months-I even think it’s since the beginning of this year-has not been going out.


It is not that I have not received any invites to be somewhere or lack social circles. But I do know how to sit down and prioritize between being broke and having fun. I dislike… no, I hate waking up Monday morning and bemoaning an expense I could have avoided especially if I cannot see the results-namely, alcohol. I subscribe to a couple of laws with regards to my time, fun and money.


If you live in Ngong road, and you invite me to Brew Bistro. I live in Kajiado, you can bet that you have already lost me there because I will calculate the cost to you versus the cost to me. Obviously, you are not getting any costs. Your taxi is KES 200 while mine is KES 3000. That’s an evolutional theory that has happened right there on the shilling and I am yet to buy drinks.


If you are getting driven there while I have to trudge around in matatus, that is no fun for me. Let me get ‘high’ in the house!

You have male company, I have me company. I will look at my purse and I think whether I can afford my own drink. If I cannot, then keep that night out.

After I explained my 48 laws of not going out to her, she now figured the importance of boyfriends in your life.

I asked her why she thought my situation was worse than hers yet she was in the same boat. She answered that she is yet to get anyone that can spark an interest in her.


I do not believe in that love at first sight, or instant chemistry or romance. I asked her to further elaborate because I did not think those were good enough answers as far as I am concerned.


Her answer was simple; why waste both my time and yours when I already know there is nowhere the both of us are headed relationship-wise.

Which made a lot of sense to me after she had just said it. I am not against dating, but who are you dating just because you are bored and need that thrill that comes with having someone with you every weekend as compared to being alone.


She has been in the dating pool for a while, I am not saying she has given up but it’s like exams, you experience a burnout after all that ruckus. You just need to take a backseat from all that.

 She has not given up but she will not be like other women who stay in an unsatisfying situation just because they are afraid of spending afew lonely weekends.


Most times you know there is nothing there with this man or woman but you just keep going on those boring dates hoping they will eventually wow you with something that you never expected. You wait for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But damn! That rainbow is starting to be endless. Then you remember dozing in front of the television watching the Trend last week and you sit up straighter hoping that you will not go back to that. Wasting every ones time in the process.


Do not let people waste their time and energy and money (money is really important)on you if you already know there is nothing there! If you keep up with that, it will be too late by the time you realize that you are piling up a lot of worthless clutter that was never going to help your situation in any way other than with free movies and food. If that is what you want then, do you!

Otherwise, you will be like that hoarder, whom when it comes to letting everything go, they settle for one to lessen the sting of throwing everything out.

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

What to do after breakup

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