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How to handle 'his' friends

09 December 2014, 19:42 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  Most of the time we like to think that the woman is the center of her man’s world. And most of the time we realize that maybe that is not so true because you find there is the mother that you have to contend with, the sister, the relations, the exes that pop up and then there are the FRIENDS.

Meeting your man’s friends for the first time can be very daunting. We may look and act like it is not very important but most of the time it is. And not many women know how to handle this so at times she might look, snobbish, disinterested or even rude but what she really is, is that she is nervous and will not let on. Because at the end of the day. Men care less if the girlfriends like him because he is not spending time with them but with you. On the other hand, the woman would like not to be left out when the boys are doing something with their better halves. Then there is also there opinion which most of the time determines whether you stay or get chopped.

Most of your man’s friends will be in categories and it is how you handle them that will make the difference.

The flirty friend

This one just likes anything that spells the word female for him and he will do his best to make you feel like maybe you should be with him and not your boyfriend.  He will flirt with you and when your guy is not there tell you how he should have seen you first. Or maybe just criticize how the boyfriend treats you. More fool you if you decide to play along and flirt with him to maybe make the boyfriend jealous. Thing is, he is not interested and most probably you will end up looking like an attention seeker to all his mates making you not worth his time.

What you should do on the other hand is establish boundaries beforehand in your response so that no confused signals are passed.

The bad influence

The heart wants what the heart wants, and telling your man he cannot hangout with so and so just because you do not approve will put you in the dog pound. In his eyes you have been there for one minute while the friend will be there when you are gone. Not that you should entertain bad behavior but have boundaries that there activities should not infringe on your time or relationship. If it is something-girls, drugs- that the man is not willing to let go off then maybe you should cut off ties because you will still not win a few years down the line.

Boys’ time is boys’ time

Then there is the one that just does not like women around, that is why he did not bring his along. Not to be an encourager but if you know you are going to be the only woman there then look for something else to do with your time. No need to go and meet them and look like the plus one-being miserable and finding something to complain about.

The Confirmed Bachelor

He does not want a woman now and neither is he looking for one. Trick is, he wants your man to be the wing man when he goes out. This one will just depend on the trust levels and self-esteem you have when you are in the relationship. Because if you are one to go crazy just because you are not invited to the boys night out the cut off ties before you give everyone a migraine.

On the other hand, not all of your guys friends are horrible, yours might actually be the bad influence even and they might be the ones holding him together.

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