How soon to meet his family?
20 July 2015, 15:25
Nairobi - How long should you have been together with your partner before they met your family, especially your parents?
What circumstances will apply as well? Many couples usually wait until they are about to tie the knot for them to introduce their partner to the parents. Which makes sense. You do not want to introduce your parents to every person that you were supposedly in a short term association with. It gets uncomfortable when you have to keep explaining where the last one went and what was wrong with them. Why didn’t they make the cut? Did you cheat or did they cheat? Were they crazy and what about their jealous behaviors. Or they just were not the one for you as you later came to realize?
More men meet the woman’s family from the beginning of the relationship as compared to the women meeting the man’s family. I would put it down to simple logical reasoning such as, he goes picks her up at her home for dates. Or women are more prone to want to show off their boyfriend at the family gatherings while the men are busy dodging those same gatherings from his side of the family. So at times, most times actually, you date the man for months on months even goes past a year and you will never meet his family unless he is convinced about you. And he is ready to make it official with you. So when a man actually introduces you to his family; that is usually a good sign. If he attends family events and makes you his plus one; that is also a good sign for your relationship.
Most people will bet that exclusivity and commitment is the right determinant. Which I agree with.
But as usual I am a 50-50 person. I also think you should not wait up until you are exclusive and have invested yourself into something such as a serious relationship and finding a barrier in the name of family ahead.
Believe it or not, your partner’s family can cause the relationship to either fail or succeed as I learnt at a very young age. Meet them early and know where you stand with them. Are they supportive or not? You will tell yourself how you are not marrying the family initially but your partner but as you keep going and you keep encountering their disrespect, it starts to hit you that it is not just the two of you.
Men have a hard skin and they can also choose not to give two shits if your family acts a fool. On the other hand, as a woman; you marry into his family. You have to deal with the women folk of his family. His mother and sister will determine how you are treated by the rest of them. If they disrespect you from the get go and the rest of the women see that, you will never be seen or treated differently by the rest of them which will give you a hard time at a later date. At events, at family functions and in your own house as well. You see them sideline you and it is not like you are going to sit with the men, you know!
So I say, meet the family early. See how they treat you. Does he stand up for you and tell them to honor you as he does/ should. If he does not, then sweet heart that is not the man for you because they will give you a hard time and he will just watch. Not having that support from the man that you are with will give you bad hypertension especially if it is that type of family that likes getting together every other day.
When you meet them early and see how they view your relationship that will give you a clue as to whether you want to make it work, quit while you are ahead or can take it and stick with it. It is one of the three because at times you do not get a positive reception and it is a sad thing when you are about to walk down the aisle with a family that is doing its best to break you. At least if you know early on, you can cut off your losses before it actually becomes a big deal and gives you grief in your married life. Choose a partner that will stand up for you against his family. Choose a partner that will not stand around and watch you being disrespected by his family. Keep it in check very early and they will know their place. Let it happen and lie to yourself about you thinking you have to earn their respect. At times you leave that room and you have just created a bigger problem.
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