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How do I make a man buy me gifts?

03 June 2015, 13:22 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I think I have very low standards when it comes to my expectations in terms of the men I date. When I look for a boyfriend, I am not looking to walk the moon or touch the skies.

I just look for very simple things in life. Someone who is normal…. In the head! Someone who is not prone to fits of any kind; jealous fits, anger fits, bursts of anger. Someone who does not like arguments- arguments shut me down, I cannot stand them. Someone normal! What do I expect from him though? You are coming into my life, so you must be serving some great purpose that I cannot serve by myself. Which brings me to my expectations.

The odd dinner or lunch date. Humorous and intelligent conversation with someone that is not a woman. Surprises and gifts. I am not talking cars or houses. It is not a must you take me to Dubai. Just simple things in life that I cannot do for myself.

Yesterday is when I came to the realization that I have very low standards. I had gone to visit a friend at his office. The fellow workmates were there as well, and one had his girlfriend with him. I did not know she was the girlfriend at the time, thought she was a client. This is where I must point out that it’s a normal office in a normal part of town. Nothing too extravagant, just enough for the clients to get in. The money they are making is not in the millionaire category but a couple of thousands.

You know me, I am minding my business. Bursts of conversation filtering through my head. I hear someone talking about someone being bought for a phone. Nothing new there so I continue with what I was doing. She whips it out, it is white so in my head I am still not paying attention. Because in my head I am still thinking it is this regular phones that the rest of the Kenyan population can afford. A Samsung, Huawei, Alcatel… you know what I am talking about. Since I have been in the market for one I decide to take a closer look for inspiration. Lo and behold! It was an I Phone!

Do not trash me and say how anyone can afford that phone, we all know that they do not come cheap especially when you do not have a relation in the diaspora who can bring it in for you. I am yet to know that she is the girlfriend, I am thinking she is just a client so I am impressed especially when I hear it was fifty thousand shillings as my friend tells me and further proceeds to tell me the man is the one who bought it.

As I had mentioned earlier, these men are not even earning that much as a monthly salary when you isolate the hustling they do on the side. Their house rent is not that much.

At this point I get slightly confused. I am not sure whether to think that this woman is an idiot or the man is more of an idiot in that relationship.

Why should I condemn the woman and think she is stupid? I know that for a fact this is a serious relationship. So your personal interest is closely intertwined with his in all the decisions he makes or the both of you make. Do not trash me, but fifty thousand shillings to me is a lot of money-in my opinion! That is money that you can do a lot of things with; invest in a profitable scheme, start a business, be a Shylock. I do not know but that is money that you can do a lot of things with other than get yourself a second hand phone. You can buy a good brand new laptop even. I mean. That is why I was confused and wondering who was the bigger idiot in that relationship.

On the other hand I was very impressed with her. I sat down and thought of all the men that are trying to get in my situation. I even looked at the one who was sat beside me and asked if he could get me an I Phone and not an old one, the latest version. This is when I actually realized that I do not even know how to ask for things from men. Asking for money is an uncomfortable experience for me.  I do not even know how to ask for a birthday or valentine present. In my books if you want to do, just do. If you do not want to that is your prerogative. But if someone else beats you to it do not get mad when I accept a token of someone else’s appreciation!

Honestly, the rest of the time I was there I kept staring at this girl with a sense of wonder and made a resolution that I would one day just sit with her and talk to her. I just have to know how she does it. Not because she has accomplished an uphill task but because I am one of the dumb ones that do not know how to go about some things. I am one of the dumb ones that does not know how to ask the man to pay fees, rent or take care of the household but just do because I can. Or ask him to do his duty as the man of the house.

If I let this situation continue I might end up with a man who sits back and folds his hands while I run around trying to figure everything out. I do not like stress or aging before my years so I should take this situation in hand before it spirals to the things that will matter later in life. That is the principle that I got from yesterday. Every day that you live you must learn something new that will build you and that was the lesson I got yesterday. Shakila needs to know how to make her man step up to his plate. Not because I want a secondhand iPhone but because I just do not like being stressed out with certain things in life.

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