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He lies so so much

02 July 2015, 17:11 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - People who best experience relationships are the ones that are usually on their first try. It is all still new. You believe this person wholeheartedly with no holds barred. They can tell you what they want. You will believe them. You are open with each other. You do things without a nagging thought at the back of your mind that maybe what they are saying is not true. You do not have baggage from previous relationships in form of insecurity or dishonesty that will make you doubt this other person. Only they will give you reason to doubt them.

The rest of us, not so much. We all have baggage from previous relationships that will always lend us a grain of salt when any significant other is speaking. They might be honest but because J* from relationship three was a lying scam artist you will always have that nagging voice at the back of your mind.

Who does not want to pay attention to that saying,’ once bitten twice shy…fooled me once, can’t fool me twice!’

Men rarely hold onto baggage from past relationship because women we have little reason to lie about a job since we hope the man will see our distressing wage and help top it up. In other words we like presenting a lesser case because that creates a damsel in distress he needs to rescue. So we rarely bring are dishonest except when it is the price of some bag.

Men on the other hand are the reason a lot of women carry a whole load of insecurity and distrust issues into their relationship.

Someone will lie about that job that he does not quite have, or the pay that he is not making. Living a life that he can barely sustain. Lie about his where about when she has just spotted him or her patrol has already relayed his position. Making the whole relationship a lie by lying to two or more women at the same time. A lot of women have stories that will entertain you for days and most of the time I do not think it is their fault because women are trusting beings until that one man messes up. The problem is, if she experiences it in every relationship.

Is it her fault because they say you attract what you are? It does not work that way in this case because the best you can always do is enter every new relationship with a clean slate. If you cannot do that then you really are not ready to be in any relationship of any sort.

Entering new relationships every time when you are still vulnerable is the reason you still attract the same kind of people. They can see those vulnerabilities and play off them until you realize it and rush to the next ‘best’ thing. The next time you meet a man who is actually good for you, after the break, you have experienced so many dishonest people that you have built a system that you are vetting this new guy through. That will not make him want you. It will make him run the opposite direction.

Going through the phone to see what he is about. Not trusting that what he is saying is the truth. Second guessing every situation is how a lot of women ruin a relationship before it even begins. They are still carrying trust issues from other people from the past. Which can be tricky to get rid off.

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