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He has never said he loves me

05 November 2014, 18:53 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I had an interesting conversation with a lady and decided that maybe I should write about it because it just made for an interesting conversation.

She is angry at her husband.

Not because he did not lavish her with things, buy her clothes, pay fees or take care of the children but because he never told her he loved her. He is a Kenyan man. Pushing sixty, brought up really old school because I doubt he ever heard his father tell his mother the same.

She is in her late forties almost fifties all those years of marriage and she now wants to be angry because her husband never told her he loved her.

Her reasoning is that she never felt loved at home, went to her sisters after completing school-did some housework- like most women from those eras but still was never appreciated. So she figured that when she was finally in her own home, her husband would give and show her all this. Thing is it never happened and she is now heartbroken.  This is why I encourage a lot of people to be emotionally independent.

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Because what she is doing is carrying her childhood baggage to her matrimonial home. She is expecting the husband to fulfill what was not done in her childhood. Emotional independence is being able to control your own sadness, happiness, expectations and wants. Depending on someone else to do it for you just creates a lot of room for heartbreak not just for you but your own family.
They created a relationship with you because they expected that they are building something afresh with someone. So you go in there with a world of wants and needs but keep wondering why they are never fulfilled. Does not matter if you told them. It is not someone else’s responsibility to assure your happiness it is all dependent on the means you take to assure it yourself. Theirs is just to give it a slight push. Like seasoning-to give it flavor not to be the key ingredient.

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