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First time sex is like a job interview

02 December 2014, 23:00 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  Is sex after the first few dates like a job interview? Yes it is? So how do I put this in order for the whole statement to make sense?

When going for the job interview, you prepare for days for it. You study about the company, what they do, how their CSR is, how many clients they have and the market segment that they do have. What you want to do is to impress and not fail because you are in that interview since you really want that job. Same case applies to the man you are out with. For us women, we just do not give you the time of day just to waste our time or because we had nothing better to do. We always have something to do and if we do not, we surely will not just out of the blue decide to while away our time with a man we do not see in our future. There has to be a reason I am spending that time with you.

So if I am with you it is because I really want you and I am hoping that it will work out. Like a job interview, I will spend my time learning everything about you the likes and dislikes, hobbies, sports-that is if you do not spend all your weekends at the local bar. I will want to impress and hope that if I am on the second date then we really are heading somewhere. True test though comes at that point when the both of you decide to take in on the next level where intimacy is involved. Sex.

Be bad at it and you are never going to see the man again, be too good at it, and what you are thinking is that there must have been countless men in my lifetime for me to be that good. So what should the lady do? Be the freak or the Victorian virgin. Look at it all ways and there is still that man that I am not going to be able to win with. Because truth be told, the fact is that for the men, sex is usually a deciding factor when it comes to committing to the woman they hope to have a long time relationship with.

The current Kenyan society will even applaud that woman who is still a virgin, but at the end of the day, you will rarely find that man, who is willing to wait until marriage. What if he buys the trousers and they do not fit, he will ask himself. So sex has become another tool for the men to judge the women they are going into a relationship with. He does not want the one that at the back of the head he will always ask himself if she had been with the whole neighborhood and he also wants the one that has been only with him or would like to think he has taught and no one else can make the same claim to.

Which leaves us women with a bit of a puzzle. I will put it down to this, if you are with a man, then I think he wants to date a woman and not a girl. If he despises you for self-expression and openness with him then you are with the wrong person either way, you might have stuck it out but a few months, weeks down the road you still would have lost because he was never ready for you as a man should be. Do not overthink it, just go in it as you would an interview, impress the whole panel of senses, if he dumps you because you seemed to experience then the loss is definitely his and not yours.

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