Do you really know your partner?
03 February 2015, 13:51
Nairobi - Despite the fact that relationships as well as marriages are expected to be built on trust, it is amusing as well as ironical how 9/10 relationships are where partners do not trust each other. Men rarely if ever trust women and todays Kenyan woman has learnt not to trust the man that she is with.
If it is not the land that has been bought by the husband that the wife does not know about, or the land that the wife has due to her chama efforts or so she says. The separate accounts that a partner hides from their spouse. Or the secret flats that she is building as a security nest just in case. We are all built for just in case, I am built for just in case because the way I see it, the moment the man becomes aware about it, it makes him relax and be more aggressive with his risk taking behavior when it comes to business. It is not just business though but also the relationships that we choose to have.
That is why some women are married to a polygamist and are not aware of it that is why you date a married man without knowing he is married, or the thug that you do not want to let go off because you just want to make it work and not look like you have too much insecurity going on. In the initial stages of dating there are just those little things that happen or clue you in into the person you are with but you shrug it off just to play it cool and not make the man run the hills. You turn the blind eye to his misdemeanors because you are turning thirty, not any younger and you are way past your schedule.
You choose to have a relationship that is built out of lack of trust and make it that way rather than create a storm by asking what is really bugging you, that is what you as a woman choose to do. That rule about there only being one man per every seven Kenyan women really got into our heads because that is how we chose to believe a certain pastor was going to help us get husbands and sharing your husband is perfectly acceptable. That is how the average Kenyan man is always winning, he has learnt to spot a weakness and make it work for him. He knows how to train you early in the relationship not to ask him his whereabouts, what he is doing, what he does for a living or God forbid, if he is married with a few children secreted elsewhere and as the woman you go along with it.
By the time you are onto his game, you are so far settled and comfortable in the position that he has created for you in his life that anything that pops up just makes you raise an eyebrow and move on because you choose to tell yourself that you cannot change him. In turn you choose to have your own type of secrets just to make it work for you in that relationship.
In today’s relationships couples have trained each other not to dig too deep into what does not involve the other. You like guessing because it is much better than when confronted with the truth that you already knew. It makes for a comfortable situation and either way, there are worse things that can happen the way you see it is that you got a much better deal. In other words, when the spouse comes home with a brand new car, yet your bank statement clearly show that you or they cannot afford it at the moment; we can just choose to say it is a company car that helps when meeting clients.
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