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Do you do too much for your man?

11 August 2015, 18:35 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - There are two sides of looking at this. There is the good side of being a supportive woman for your man and then there is the negative side of being a man’s support system. Let me explain because there actually is a negative and you will be able to tell which side you reside on.

The good side is what we all aim for and look for when we get into a relationship with someone. We also hope to get the same. I would also like to think that I would be supportive of my husband or boyfriend because why else would I be with him if I am trying to be the opposite- unsupportive!

The supportive woman is the one that is looking out for her man. She supports his ambitions, she supports his goals, and she supports his dreams! When everybody else is beating that man down and not understanding him, he knows that he can count on you at the end of the day to see it through his eyes. He knows that even if he fails, and loses sight of what he wanted from the beginning, you will be there to remind him of it. You will not run out at the first sight of trouble and you when trouble comes crashing in you will help come up with solutions. That is what all women in love and who actually like and love their men do. We support.

The negative side of being supportive depends on the type of man you are with though.

There is the man that sees this, appreciates you for it and sticks with you 100%. When the trees bear fruit, he will remember to enjoy them with you because you are one of the few people who count in his success story.

Then there is the other men whom we all end up hearing about. The ones who break a lot of women’s hearts. The one whom, as soon as he makes it, you are no longer in his league. These are men who have used you as a support system!

Are you his support system?

If your man comes to you only when trouble comes knocking, but when the good stuff is around he is nowhere in sight, then you are his support system. Let me put it this way, some men when they make it, they look for that women who swore up and down he is not in their league and if not her, someone he sees as higher up. That is how it works.

When he is down, when he is broken down. No money. No business. No opportunities. Nothing! She is that women who will not deal with him, so whom does he run to? The one who has always loved him and would never judge him but takes him back as she picks up his pieces. That is his support system. She makes him feel good when everything else does not make sense. Rejuvenates him and pumps up his self-esteem and ego. Sort of like a spa clinic in Westlands or a vacation in some exotic place.

 He stands back up and now he goes back in with more energy and determination. He now has focus and works twice as hard because she was there to put the pieces back together. Maybe she had that title, maybe she did not but women we are stupid at times when it comes to the men we deal with. He keeps you around, you are not his girlfriend but you do all that girlfriend stuff for him. Or on the other hand, you are his girlfriend, but you commit to not following up with this guy who brings you to a standstill. You do not move on because he has built that illusion that he loves you even if ten years on, he has not committed to you. You continue hoping that he sees and because he told you, ‘babe, wait until I make it!’ You wait and wait and wait. After the first wait, he had already made it but now you do not see him and soon enough you hear that he is with another woman. That is how you know you were a support system.

Know the difference.

Being a supportive woman to man who is 100% there with you and for you, is the best thing you will ever have in any relationship. It is an amazing foundation.

Being a support system, is what kills women. Do not be that for a man who clearly has one leg stepping out and the other in. Do that for a man who has both legs in. I would hope you are wise enough to know what type your man is. That is why relationships are for adults and mature people. For the wise. If you are not any of that, then hold off until you are. You will save yourself from a lot of disaster.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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