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Do single mothers make better partners?

27 February 2015, 15:35 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I have a phobia for getting pregnant/ having a child outside wedlock. For me I view parenthood as a partnership, where the father has to also be there. Hence my waiting until marriage before making that huge step. Not that there is a problem with being a single parent; if you can handle it then there is nothing wrong with that. Also, things happen, and decisions have to be made, you just never know.

On the other hand, there is something that I have heard and even observed for a while now. Men who are looking to settle choosing to do so with single mothers, especially those with only a single child and those still in their twenties.

The theory is that women who have children have better qualities of being better mothers and wives. They do not have time to go to clubs, because they are rushing home to take care of the child.  They obviously do know how to cook because they cannot take the child to cafes and restaurants every day and also most of a child’s food has to be home made. They know how to do laundry because you cannot dry clean a child’s soiled clothes every day. They also do not have time to complain or be angry because being a mother is a 24/7 job, they are used to it. The crowning of it all is that she is proven to being able to have children. The way I am seeing it, the more I think about it is that there is some validity to this statement; single mothers do make better wives and mothers.

But part of the reason I have a phobia for getting a child outside wedlock (not that I am planning to), is that what happens when the new husband does not want you to bring the child along. Everything else is perfect but he does not want the other man’s child in his house, worse still when the father is alive. What if he asks that the man takes the child while you and he bring up a new family?  Giving up her child is the hardest thing a woman can do especially if she had the child at a young age but now wants to start a family. Other times the father is not even around, most probably they lost touch.

I am well acquainted with such a case because my neighbor is married to this guy, both came into the marriage with a child but hers had to be left in her rural home with the mother while he came with his. I understand why the man does not want a constant reminder of someone having been in his territory way before he came around. She is also a housewife meaning she has to play by his rules because he is the one that takes care of her child too. But I have to wonder what her child who was left behind will grow up thinking because the mother is here living the good life with her new husband while the child is struggling with the rural life.

Either way, the single mother trend is something that is quickly catching on with the Kenyan man because word is most of these ladies in the street, you cannot trust them. You do not know what she does for her living, who or what she is doing when she is out late at night. For him, it is a much safer bet to settle with the devil that he already knows about rather than the one that he will never be too sure of.

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