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Dating does not have to end up in marriage

13 July 2015, 20:00 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I firmly believe that if I am not interested in you, then why should I waste both of pour times by stringing you along? Which is true. Why waste any person’s time if you already know that you are not headed anywhere with them?

On the other hand, you are here, and you have nothing serious going on. You may be old, you may be you but what you are sure of is that you want nothing serious. Most of us look at it this way; when you are an adult and you are dating, then what we are looking forward to is for the wedding bells. We have described all forms of male and female companionship as something that should end up in something serious. When in most cases it should not be.

Part of the reason most long term relationships and marriages are not turning out so well currently is because majority of the couples in that relationship never got the chance to explore themselves with other people other than with the partner they are currently with. You just chose one person, started seeing each other for a while and just decided they suited you at that time and that is all the confirmation you needed.

One thing that adults can actually learn from young people dating, is that they never take it seriously. You see each other for one month, it does not work out, and you wait for the next one. By the time you get out of this stage, you know what you want as an individual. You do not settle with the wrong partner, this is where people talk about the soul mate, it is not. And you do not place your expectations on them.

I was talking to a friend of mine the recently and told her about one of my longest relationships- a couple of years. She asked why I would walk out of something that had gone on for those many years and not wish for marriage-like I had wasted myself. I was lucky not to be edging towards my grave at least but I was not too shocked that that was how she felt. In our minds we cannot just enjoy having met someone, known them for a while and ended it without wishing that it had been something more.

You are on a date and we are already thinking of the children that we will have and if they will make a good husband. You ruin the process even before it begins. Just because you are seeing someone at the moment does not mean that they are the ones that you should spend the rest of your life with. Getting to know someone and realizing that they were never the right fit for you saves you a lot of grief that comes with feeling dissatisfied in a relationship. Wishing that you had taken your time and not rushed into it. Or wondering why you had never found the right person for you.

At times when you are dating someone or in a relationship with someone, that does not mean that you have to marry them.

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