Career or family first?
08 April 2015, 19:32
Nairobi - What do I choose first and what do I put on the back banner? I cannot take care of a family if I do not have a good job that pays well, hence the career seems to be the more efficient choice. On the other hand, I do not want to be pushing babies at the age of thirty or forty. And menopause comes a lot faster these days.
What if I decide to work on my career and by the time I decide to have a family it is too late for me. As much as we try to compete with the men, there are some stakes that we flat out lose because they were just born with the right gender. They do not have menopause, they can have babies even at 80. In other words, he holds all the cards to his life. He can choose a career now and it will never be too late for him when he decides now is the time. He is also able to get the latest model and no one will blink twice while the woman can also do the same but you just never will be sure when he will dump you and run back to play with his age mates.
The other day, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine. She was talking about some man who she has in her network, is crazy about her, doing well for himself basically, if she chose him now he will be in her scheme of things. So in typical female fashion, I asked her why she has not settled down with him. I also asked how old she was. She tells me 27, and in my head I am thinking that is the right time to settle down and start having babies before you hit 35. She tells me that he is not the man for her. I worriedly ask so what if you waste all this time looking for Mr. Right never find him, you are forty and no children. She just turned, stared me dead in the face and said, ‘then it was not meant to happen.’ She said that as long as she does not sleep hungry, pays her own rent and can take care of herself, she was not in a hurry. Things will happen when they are meant to happen. She will not rush anything.
That is where the difference between me and her lie. Yes I wasn’t to have a thriving career and make my own money but, my worry usually is at the expense of what? Like most women my age, I want to have a family and a husband to go home too. Making money and going home to a cold boring house at the end of the day is not my piece of cake. There are some women that are at piece with the path they have taken but others usually are not. They have regrets.
I lie on the side where I do not want to have regrets a few years down the line. I like to strategize my moves, sort of like a chess player. Use the right pawns to winning the game, not having the queen captured before I even make two moves. If I can have them both; family and career, I will push myself to achieve both with the right moves.
To some extent, I do envy the women we were in school with who got pregnant while at school. At that time we pitied her, but come graduation, she had her degree, her man and the baby- all in tow. That is called achievement in my books. While the rest of us are now trying to figure it out, she has already settled down and can build her career as well. That is a good strategy! Not that you should now start getting pregnant while at school. It is not for the weak minded. If you cannot handle it then do not play with that fire.
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