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Can celibacy work in Kenya, in 2014?

05 February 2015, 17:52 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Can celibacy work? Yes it can, but what about celibacy while in a relationship? Waiting until you are married or wholly committed to something?

Celibacy is not bad. Abstinence is not bad either and it makes situations much simpler when you take it out of the equation completely because we choose to make sex complicated. If I sleep with him on a first date, I am a slut. If I do something or agree to something that maybe other women do not do then that will make him look at me differently. So I should just lay down like Patrick the starfish and it will not be so bad. What about those who have been around town for quite a while and bagged a few trophies or notches in their bedpost, will they go to hell? The way I see it, maybe or what if God is a woman, He or She is prim proper and a prude, advocates for no sex before marriage. Thusly, a lot of people are going to hell.

Yes, we are better off just taking sex out of the equation and just dating without such hullabaloo and having fun. But easier said than done especially to find a partner that will be with you 100% and do not look to the church either for such a partner, because I am getting a sense that most of our churches here in Kenya are full of hypocrisy.

So can you be dating actively and be in a relationship but still abstain from sex, yes you can. The thing is to be upfront about it. I am not saying you give a timeline because someone can date you but be running a countdown in their heads then when the time comes, they just take what is their due and cast you a side. Never give people that you are dating a finish line, we all race to toward it.

Do not be a tease either. That makes someone resent you rather than respect you. If you know you are throwing down sexual innuendo and pulling out the last minute, then maybe you are still a child with a lot of growing to do.

Being upfront about your sexual or non-sexual preference is about getting to know the other person first, you can flirt but do not be too heavy about it because that is leading someone on. If they broach the subject then that is when you know what your deal is, if they seem less interested then lucky you for being able to separate the wheat from the chaff. You would rather wait and have someone with you the rest of the way rather than hold onto someone that has a completely different agenda.

Thing is most of us like preaching water but drinking wine when no one is looking or adjusting to accommodate someone. If that is what you do, then it is your fault that people only want to be with you for as long as you have sex with them. It is not their morals that are not proper but yours that need educating.

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