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Can an African man not want children?

26 January 2015, 14:22 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  You are required to be open minded when you meet a person, no demands, no pressure, just taking it easy. It is called living for the moment, but that is not always the case because you apparently do not want to waste your time on something that is not going anywhere. And there is the matter of fact that two people eventually disagree and want different things from a relationship.
In our society what we are taught and conditioned to think is that the end all of all relationships is marriage, and obviously children. When a woman does not want children a host of reasons is usually given. She could not find a man, she waited too long while chasing her career and now the biological clock has stopped ticking or she is just not marriage material. But what happens when it is a man who does the same? If he never gets married, no one bats an eyelash because he can sow as many seeds as he wants as long as he takes care of them. Then again, what if the man himself decides he does not want children and just either wants a wife or even none at all. If he crosses the threshold of thirty and still no signs of his juniors when he is hitting forty then the viable explanation is that he is impotent.

Children are no easy task and it is better to take preventive measures to avoid having one you never prepared for rather than bringing them in and you cannot take care of them. Some men make that choice in their thirties even twenties because they realize that they do not want children. Is it normal, yes, but societal pressure is one which dictates that the girlfriend will want to have them. Mind you, they never have the discussion because it is assumed that all men want children. So she is here and three, five years down the line, she asks where this is headed, he proposes even but when she pops the question on how many kids he would like to have and he says none, she is confused or better yet flabbergasted.

At first she will think he already has some with other women or another woman, when that is not the case, she chooses to think that maybe it is a medical condition that they should figure out. As women who like taking the bull by the horns, so to speak you believe you can change his mind about wanting children. If the both of you are in your late twenties hitting thirty then loose that notion because most men around that age already know what they want and if it is children they do not want, you cannot force them. If he has not already taken drastic measures such as a vasectomy without even informing you, you play a cruel trick by overlooking the pill. Then you are gambling on a relationship where you will bring into the world a child a father does not want, and him walking out because the trust will no longer be there.

" We live in a generation of not being in love and not being together, but we sure make it feel like we’re together because we are scared to see each other with somebody else. ’ Wise words by Drake but they sum up commitment, love, relationship issues we face every day. Rule of thumb here is, it is okay to have fun and all but down the road when both of you are openly committed to one another, it is okay to find out where your partner’s head is at because you might be going through the motions but in different cycles. 

That does not mean that you tell a man you want children on your first date, he will high tail it so fast you will even wonder if he had even been  there in the first place.

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