Can an African man not want children?
26 January 2015, 14:22
Nairobi - You are required to be open minded when you meet a person,
no demands, no pressure, just taking it easy. It is called living for the
moment, but that is not always the case because you apparently do not want to
waste your time on something that is not going anywhere. And there is the
matter of fact that two people eventually disagree and want different things
from a relationship.
In our society what we are taught and conditioned to think
is that the end all of all relationships is marriage, and obviously children.
When a woman does not want children a host of reasons is usually given. She
could not find a man, she waited too long while chasing her career and now the
biological clock has stopped ticking or she is just not marriage material. But
what happens when it is a man who does the same? If he never gets married, no
one bats an eyelash because he can sow as many seeds as he wants as long as he
takes care of them. Then again, what if the man himself decides he does not
want children and just either wants a wife or even none at all. If he crosses
the threshold of thirty and still no signs of his juniors when he is hitting
forty then the viable explanation is that he is impotent.
Children are no easy task and it is better to take
preventive measures to avoid having one you never prepared for rather than
bringing them in and you cannot take care of them. Some men make that choice in
their thirties even twenties because they realize that they do not want
children. Is it normal, yes, but societal pressure is one which dictates that
the girlfriend will want to have them. Mind you, they never have the discussion
because it is assumed that all men want children. So she is here and three,
five years down the line, she asks where this is headed, he proposes even but
when she pops the question on how many kids he would like to have and he says
none, she is confused or better yet flabbergasted.
At first she will think he already has some with other women
or another woman, when that is not the case, she chooses to think that maybe it
is a medical condition that they should figure out. As women who like taking
the bull by the horns, so to speak you believe you can change his mind about
wanting children. If the both of you are in your late twenties hitting thirty
then loose that notion because most men around that age already know what they
want and if it is children they do not want, you cannot force them. If he has
not already taken drastic measures such as a vasectomy without even informing
you, you play a cruel trick by overlooking the pill. Then you are gambling on a
relationship where you will bring into the world a child a father does not
want, and him walking out because the trust will no longer be there.
" We live in a generation of not being in love and not being
together, but we sure make it feel like we’re together because we are scared to
see each other with somebody else. ’ Wise words by Drake but they sum up
commitment, love, relationship issues we face every day. Rule of thumb here is,
it is okay to have fun and all but down the road when both of you are openly
committed to one another, it is okay to find out where your partner’s head is
at because you might be going through the motions but in different
That does not mean that you tell a man you want children on
your first date, he will high tail it so fast you will even wonder if he had
even been there in the first place.
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