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Best way to trap a man

09 April 2015, 19:08 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  It sounds like something out of a Nollywood film but believe me, it is happening in Kenya. Has happened for a long time too. Long ago, when marriage was the solution to all problems, if you were not seeing the man is coming to scratch, you just plead pregnancy. You were promptly taken to his people and it would be official-you became a wife!


This days, not so, if you want to proceed along such routes then do proceed with caution. That is how you hear of men who disappear after getting such news. Motherhood is always a choice that you consciously take. You accept to take care of that person for the next 18-20 years of their life. Fatherhood on the other hand can be easily escaped. Look at it this way, he is not carrying the child as compared to you the woman. He might have participated in the making but if it is not his choice to be a father to the son or daughter that you want to have with him then he will abscond on his duties.


It is no longer an obligation for the men to marry the woman who pleads to be pregnant with their child. If you go down that route be ready to deal with the consequence. The noble Kenyan man might offer to help take care of the financial side of the child in which case, you found the good one. In most cases that is what some of these women want, not marriage but a child and a man who steps up to the plate.


On the other hand you might play with the devil incarnate. Let me tell you a story of a friend of my mother who is also her part time driver.  The man is a mechanic, and the woman whom he was with at the time was the one who paid for him to go learn how to be one. Even after she had done all that and a lot more for him, it was like the man knew that she was not the woman for him and thus he never settled down with her. She was his pass time while he waited for the one. This woman played the last card on the book and got pregnant, she delivered the news and he just shut down. Thhat is when his violent tendencies emerged. So no longer was he at least available but he was now violent while she was pregnant. When the baby was born, the man decide they could be a family and so they stayed together. Paradise did not last though. So when they went to court on the child’s custody, the man could take care of her but the woman was not financially stable. The law leans towards the mother especially in the case of a girl child, she was awarded custody but he was to take care of any financial obligation and her upkeep.


Now this is where the devil emerges. The woman might have thought that he would be giving her money. What this man does, he never even buys the food the child eats and takes it to the mother’s house. He goes, picks up the child in the morning and feeds her breakfast, buys her lunch and when it is dinner, he still picks her up or carries the food to the house, she eats while he is there and he leaves with everything that remains. If she sends some emergency text that the child is sick. Even if he is not available, he will send his ally, the brother to go pick her up and take her to hospital. If she needs new clothes, he takes her shopping himself. If she cries rent, he told me what he tells her,’ ulitaka mtoto, shughulika, lakini mtoto wangu akitaka pahali pa kulala, anaweza kuja kwangu.


That is how you know you played with the devil. If you are planning to trap a man with a child do not subject a child to such a tag of war. Know the man and in most cases you never actually even know the man. True colors come when he is pushed against the wall. Forced fatherhood tends to do that.


Then again, there are those Kenyan men who try to trap ladies with pregnancy. You think he is using protection but he is up to some tricks. Some men can be vindictive when it comes to getting what they want and pushing the other competition out of the way. Such a case is that of Robert* he sensed that his girlfriend was losing interest and was leaning towards some new model in town. He got her pregnant on purpose, he had knowledge of her to a T that he did not have to try that hard to get what he wanted. Needless to say, the campus girlfriend did not make such a good mother for his daughter. While he is in town working, she is running a brothel in the village in front of their daughter. Sins of the father are now visiting his innocent daughter.


You might get what you wanted in the short term but in the long run there is always a price that has to be paid.

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