Best way to trap a man
09 April 2015, 19:08
Nairobi - It sounds like something out of a Nollywood film but believe
me, it is happening in Kenya. Has happened for a long time too. Long ago, when
marriage was the solution to all problems, if you were not seeing the man is
coming to scratch, you just plead pregnancy. You were promptly taken to his
people and it would be official-you became a wife!
This days, not so, if you want to proceed along such routes
then do proceed with caution. That is how you hear of men who disappear after
getting such news. Motherhood is always a choice that you consciously take. You
accept to take care of that person for the next 18-20 years of their life.
Fatherhood on the other hand can be easily escaped. Look at it this way, he is
not carrying the child as compared to you the woman. He might have participated
in the making but if it is not his choice to be a father to the son or daughter
that you want to have with him then he will abscond on his duties.
It is no longer an obligation for the men to marry the woman
who pleads to be pregnant with their child. If you go down that route be ready
to deal with the consequence. The noble Kenyan man might offer to help take
care of the financial side of the child in which case, you found the good one.
In most cases that is what some of these women want, not marriage but a child
and a man who steps up to the plate.
On the other hand you might play with the devil incarnate.
Let me tell you a story of a friend of my mother who is also her part time
driver. The man is a mechanic, and the
woman whom he was with at the time was the one who paid for him to go learn how
to be one. Even after she had done all that and a lot more for him, it was like
the man knew that she was not the woman for him and thus he never settled down
with her. She was his pass time while he waited for the one. This woman played
the last card on the book and got pregnant, she delivered the news and he just
shut down. Thhat is when his violent tendencies emerged. So no longer was he at
least available but he was now violent while she was pregnant. When the baby
was born, the man decide they could be a family and so they stayed together.
Paradise did not last though. So when they went to court on the child’s
custody, the man could take care of her but the woman was not financially
stable. The law leans towards the mother especially in the case of a girl
child, she was awarded custody but he was to take care of any financial
obligation and her upkeep.
Now this is where the devil emerges. The woman might have
thought that he would be giving her money. What this man does, he never even
buys the food the child eats and takes it to the mother’s house. He goes, picks
up the child in the morning and feeds her breakfast, buys her lunch and when it
is dinner, he still picks her up or carries the food to the house, she eats
while he is there and he leaves with everything that remains. If she sends some
emergency text that the child is sick. Even if he is not available, he will
send his ally, the brother to go pick her up and take her to hospital. If she
needs new clothes, he takes her shopping himself. If she cries rent, he told me
what he tells her,’ ulitaka mtoto,
shughulika, lakini mtoto wangu akitaka pahali pa kulala, anaweza kuja kwangu.’
That is how you know you played with the devil. If you are
planning to trap a man with a child do not subject a child to such a tag of
war. Know the man and in most cases you never actually even know the man. True
colors come when he is pushed against the wall. Forced fatherhood tends to do
Then again, there are those Kenyan men who try to trap
ladies with pregnancy. You think he is using protection but he is up to some
tricks. Some men can be vindictive when it comes to getting what they want and
pushing the other competition out of the way. Such a case is that of Robert* he
sensed that his girlfriend was losing interest and was leaning towards some new
model in town. He got her pregnant on purpose, he had knowledge of her to a T
that he did not have to try that hard to get what he wanted. Needless to say, the campus girlfriend did not make such a
good mother for his daughter. While he is in town working, she is running a
brothel in the village in front of their daughter. Sins of the father are now
visiting his innocent daughter.
You might get what you wanted in the short term but in the
long run there is always a price that has to be paid.
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