Bad behaviour must be blamed on parents
02 April 2015, 17:48
Nairobi - I find it very amusing when I see the older people; parents,
aunts, uncles, cousins-basically people who are older than me coming to point a
finger at me and asking me why the children of these days behave the way they
We talk badly (mostly
when we talk back), behave badly, ape and have bad character and have no moral
conduct. The girls want to live a lavish lifestyle they cannot afford, they go
after other people’s men, they are promiscuous drunks and there no more ladies
around. The boys on the other hand are irresponsible, conduct themselves with
no care in the world for consequence, they are also being paid for sex by
‘cougars’ and care no more for tradition, culture and their manhood.
All of that is utterly true. I could not agree more. The
part that I find amusing though is the part where I grew up watching and
hearing you. Basically majority of the new modern Kenyan generation is aping
what they saw from you only that they are more blatant about it. We do not know
how to do things behind closed doors and that is what is worrying the older,
dying generation. The things that are happening now, you very well know that
they happened in your time as well. What is irking most of these old folks is
the fact that we do not hide it.
Let us kick out the technology aspect of it, mobile phones
came in the late 90s and that was without internet. I did not have one until I
went into University which you must know was in the late millennial. If I was
so green the transition to all that crammed information in my head would not
have been so easy. What I am pointing out is the fact that majority of the
people behaving badly are in their twenties right now, that is basically twenty
years ago when we could not even fathom Fiber optic and what it is about. In
other words, it is not technology at fault but you, the old generation.
Technology only made it easier to fast track everything.
Boys grew up watching their fathers. Cars would be going to
the car wash on late Saturday afternoons, or maybe shopping. The boy would tag
along and what do you know, the father would take a detour to mama nani’s house where they would while
the afternoon away. The son would then be bribed not to tell mummy about it.
With such an outstanding role model, why do you as the father have to complain
now when the son is behaving so low in your expectations? He watched the mother
dragging a drunk father at midnight into the house, why then should he not
prove his manhood by being a drunk like his father. After all, you told him
being a man is all about what you taught him. If he is seeing you flirting with a thousand and one women,
disrespecting his mother. He also knows about your closeted children back at
home. So do not be surprised when he treats his wife lesser that what you would
have liked. He is only doing what he grew up watching you do.
The daughters on the other hand have mixed feeling when it
comes to their parents. We are usually torn between our mothers and our father.
In the crib, we are daddy’s little girl. When we hit our teenage years, mother
is the worst demon that can ever cross our paths. So when you see your father
doing the things that anger the mother, most teenage girls will resort to doing
the same when their mother is the worst enemy. For example the father is a
drunk philanderer who comes knocking at night. The girl will take every
opportunity to escape the house, go out at night and come back when she feels
like. Basically behaving like the father. If a girl does not have a father figure it does a lot to her
self-esteem. Mothers are good, they can do a lot of things but having a split
personality to cover that of a father figure cannot happen. That hole will
always be there and she will always look for it in all those men you see her
After the teenage phase is over, mother is back in. So you
get to hear a lot of stories on what aunty and women from the chama are doing.
What occurs in her head is that that is the norm. If on the other hand,
her father is an upstanding man who respects the mother, it is very hard for
the girl to resort to aggressive behavior that will anger the mother. She later
finds out that what auntie does is displeasing to mother, that is when she apes
the same thing if they do not get along.
Daughters also grow up watching their mothers. If she saw
the mother disrespecting the father, she will do the same with her husband.
It is all a cycle, passed on from generation to generation.
We watch what you do and learn. Children listen to what you say and
internalize. We only have technology that tells us that expressing ourselves is
the new age that is why we do not keep in under wraps as you old folks would
have liked it to stay.
So when I see Auntie so and so pointing a finger at me, yet
I know where she has been; I only give an imaginary shake to my head. At that
point I am thinking, ‘you are one to talk.’
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