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Are you better than your ex?

18 June 2015, 17:14 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  Theirs is a common phrase that some people use that goes along the lines of,’ if you are to cheat on me with someone else, they had better be better/ an upgrade from me!’ I am not the one that said it but some people came up with it.

Which makes a lot of sense why cheat on your partner, with someone who is not as good looking, as smart, as tall, or even makes more money! It just never makes sense but cheaters do not and that is why that advice is rarely if ever followed.

On the other hand when we apply it to relationship where does it stand? Or just anything. For example your career. A lot can be said for someone who leaves a well-paying job for a hobby but we know anything done with passion eventually takes root. But what about someone who leaves a really good career for meaningless reasons. I would never leave a job because colleagues are giving me a hard time. Let me explain why, a whole office cannot just gang up to be against you unless you are the problem. If it is one or two people; that is how you learn management. You manage to clear off their path unless out of necessity. Necessity rarely arises unless you are partnered then that is when you ask for a different partner. The way I see it, it can never get a perfect work environment; it will either be a bad boss, bad colleagues or poor working conditions. So you roll with it because the money is good, otherwise, you are allowed to leave if you are not making good money nor moving.

Relationships do eventually break especially if they were never going anywhere. Either you left the other person or they choose to leave you. Either case: you want to prove that you can do better than them especially if you realize that their latest catch is better than you. In everything! Career wise, intelligence and smart, good looking- they are just the whole package. A man will really not care may even be in bliss. For the moment!

Women on the other hand we like being the best of the last. Does not matter if you are the sloppiest, least attractive of your bunch of friends but you still want to feel like your ex-man could never do better than you. So when we look for the next partner, the stakes are abit higher because we hope that our standards have improved from the sleazy ones that we used to have that made us end up with the other sleazy bastard! That is why no matter who lands up in our doorsteps, we are going to look not for the perfect man but someone better than our last. It can be sort of frustrating for the new catch because they do not realize that at the back of your mind you are wondering if you did better or worse.

By all means, he should just be better. If one factor is less attractive, he better have redeeming ones in his back up otherwise you are not looking to make the same mistakes that you hope you have outgrown of.And it is not just the women but the men too. The main key is to find someone that proves she is more ‘wife’ material than the other hag that left you or you left! For men, her money is never too much of an issue but if she is intelligent, has her own hustle and grind and is not needy; she is good. The icing on the cake is when she looks, feel and smells good. That is when he knows that she has just beat the ex. She is perfect. Will not matter if his friends okay her, his colleagues or if the ex-girlfriend does not think much of her. At the end of the day he just knows and that is when you will see a man actually fight and defend his woman!

Women on the other hand are the ones that will need outside approval, especially from the friends and sisters and the mother. If they do not okay him, she might put up a feeble front but she will never be secure in that relationship and will always look for the better one. If she can do better!

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