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Are you an escort?

09 September 2015, 16:21 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  An escort in life, an escort to your partner’s life not the other one that gets paid at the end of the night. Most of the partner’s who end up in such a situation do not realize it until it is too late. They are not aware of it.

Becoming dependent on your partner and on the relationship such that when it reaches a time it or they are no longer there, you are lost. Women tend to get lost in their relationships or marriages. We went in knowing how to prioritize ourselves and how to balance it with our relationship/ marriage. We had an idea of the goals we had and what we expected of ourselves after a certain amount of time. Even while we were making the decision to be in that relationship we would have constant disagreements and arguments with our partner because we were trying to let them know that they would not ‘control’ us. They have to respect our boundaries and not make decisions for us. Equality was the motto. In the beginning!

Along the way, something usually happens; I cannot tell you what it is because even I do not know. We just decide to focus on him and what he is about, with whom and where is my place in all of this? We think, ‘I am being supportive’ but do not see that it is at the expense of self.  All this while you were with him you stopped thinking about what YOU wanted to achieve and start asking when you are getting children. When you are going to get married? Why does he not spend as much time with you as so and so does with his woman? You have forgotten that he fell in love with the driven you who always had her own things to do and her own life.

You have now become his official escort in life because you are always over his shoulder. He hopes to get back to that, so he never even questions you about it and in that he has also become your enabler. By the time the both of you realize what is happening, you are so dissatisfies with life because what you wanted from him, he has given you, so now what next? The ‘ what next’  is what bothers you so much because time went by and you have no idea on where to start.

You start blaming your dissatisfaction on your partner because you look at them as no longer fulfilling. Not giving you as much attention as you would like. They continued doing what they needed to do you are the one that stopped doing what you expected of yourself.

You feel deprived when they are not around; maybe they have travelled or their job is starting to consume all of their time, the children are now in boarding school. You are starting to see how officially alone you are because your life revolves around them. You have nothing personal going on. That is what being an escort in your man’s life or relationship does to you. When you take them out of the equation you get so clueless and you hit zero so hard. That is why it is so hard for a lot of women to take break ups, divorce and cut ties so badly. Their lives revolve around their man and making that relationship work.

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