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A woman decides how good a relationship will be

20 July 2015, 19:08 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I was having a conversation with an older married lady. Married for over 20 years. She was telling me how lucky I must be to have been in a relationship where I was at least taken out even if it was once in a while because for her, all those years as a married woman her husband never took her anywhere and still never has. Not that she is not good looking or lacks the proper type of social graces. No, they just never went out and it just stayed that way and she has felt bad about it all this while.

At first I thought she was right that I was lucky but then I remembered; that earlier on in the relationship that is not how it happened. I am the one who actually put my foot down as soon as the guy got a job and told him I am tired of sitting in the house. As a woman, you should know that you are the one that is going to set the tone of your relationship as well as its path whether healthy or unhealthy. Whether he treats you nicely or not.

Letting things happen and hoping they eventually change never happens unless you open your mouth and speak up.

Just like a man demands and gets his respect from his woman as his woman, you should demand and expect the same otherwise you are setting yourself up for the future. As a society, I don’t think we have actually ever had a dating culture by the way that is why a lot of people end up in someone’s house and start regretting as soon as they read on some magazine that that is actually not the right way of doing things.

That is why for that older woman, I can imagine her younger self did not see anything wrong with staying in until now. She was busy trying to set up and settle in as a married woman. You now watch Tujuane and with Nairobi’s vibrant foodie scene you now start thinking why it is your man has never done the same for you.

You can never teach an old dog new tricks. If you let him be from the beginning of your relationship, you have no one other than yourself to blame. If you want something done, speak up. No one ever led a revolution by staying mum in their house.

If you want that man to treat you a certain way, then let him know. It is not even about you worrying that he will leave you or creating shaky waters. He will just know you have boundaries and what you expect from him that will make him respect you for that. For speaking your mind and not acting like he should be able to be a psychic and read it.

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