9 reasons women stay in abusive relationships
16 July 2015, 15:57
Nairobi - Women are good at making excuses for staying in bad relationships. Here are some.
He is just not in a
good place right now
He is allowed to behave badly as long as in her mind she
thinks that it is not great at work and thus he is stressed. The money is not
coming in right that is why he can be sulky. The man is distant with her, petty
quarrels/ snapping at her all of a sudden and pulling back from the
relationship; maybe because he is up to no good but she cannot see it because
she is busy making excuses for him.
We have a child/
To me this is one of the most credible reasons. Not that I
am advocating for you to stay in a situation that is bad and unhealthy for you
but I do understand where the woman is coming from. You get a child with this
man, it does not work, and you close it and move to the next one. Then you do
the same with another man? How many baby fathers’ will you have? That is the
problem. You want to deal with only one devil and if you are planning to have three
children you hope they have the same father.
The best way to get out of such a situation is just check
why you made a poor decision in the first place so that you can make a better
one next time. That way you have a better relationship second time around and
not fifth time around.
He is healing from a
In this case she is helping in the healing process. That is
why she is still there waiting for him to heal properly to be with her.
Here, the man told her that he is not ready for a
relationship yet because he is just coming from a nasty break up. Women, never
forget; if a man wants to be with you, he will put band aid on all his five
senses to numb him just so you cannot see if he going through anything at all.
He will forget he even had a life before you came along. That is what a man
that desires you does- he wants to prove that he is good enough for you.
He will change you’ll
Marriage and pregnancies do not change a man if he was never
a willing participant from the beginning. I am not talking about consensual sex
but making the decision to actually have a baby with you or be married to
you. You will force the situation but
you will not like the result. Have you ever seen a chicken or any animal for
that matter surrounded by five people trying to capture it? It gets frantic
because that is a trapped type of situation. Now imagine doing that with a man
and you are only one woman- who will win that game at the end? Really ask
Neither will cooking and or cleaning if he is not the one that
put you there. The way a man treats you from the beginning is all the
indication you need. Men know how to friend zone too by the way.
He is really a good
person, I am the one who gets to see it when you are not around
Hmmmn… where do I start? Because at one point or the other
some woman has actually used this line. We all see it when he is with her but
apparently when they are in private he gets better. Maybe he just does not like
the rest of us and it puts him in a foul mood toward her.
As a friend, you can try save a friend, say your piece but
believe it or not a woman will never see your reasoning no matter how well you
package it. She is the only one that will ever decide for herself.
He loves me, he just
has a different way of showing it
I am not talking about the big gestures and going all the
way out like romance in hot air balloons. Simple stuff; caring, mindful,
looking out for her interests and showing his responsibility towards her. That
is what normal guys do.
Now skip over to the deranged ones. He does not give two
rats ass if you died during the night or where you have been in the past month
and when he shows up it is really so good she falls back in. The one you saw
with some woman at lunch when he skipped an appointment with her without a
phone call. Or those that are aggressive with their emotions (I am trying not
to say violent) and when he displays his emotions they are not very productive
towards her well-being. A woman will stay because in her mind she thinks she is
the one that can fix him.
I understand him so I
am the one that can make him better
This just covers some of the aforementioned excuses but in
some light she thinks she has to help him. She has to be by his side. She has
to be the rock that holds down his Excalibur because no other woman and nobody
else for that matter can understand him as well as she does.
He is better than
nothing at all
To me; desperation is the fruit of all poor decisions. When
it comes to relationships, it is worse when a woman chooses to stay with someone
who is blatantly mean, bad and or disrespectful to her because she feels she
will not find anyone else. She is running out of time. She does not have the
time to start over. All the above and more. So she will put up with him because
what is the worse that he can do and besides,’ all men are dogs, isn’t that right?’ So better the devil I know
than the angel I have yet to come across.
We love each other
This is why I tell people not to be confused with that ‘soul
mates’ thing because it can blind you badly. You be with someone who is going
to meet you halfway and work with you not someone who tells you ‘I love you’
after a session of ‘lovemaking’ and
treats you like shit the rest of the time. That is not a soul mate.
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