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9 commandments for a peaceful relationship

23 June 2015, 13:43 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  Obviously, a one parent home or a single parent home is much easier to run as compared to a home where both parents have to co-exist. Not in terms of financial, because it is harder but in terms of emotional and psychological. If that one parent is okay, they do not have to consult anyone, argue with anyone, feel undermined by anyone but just make the final decision as they are the final word.

For other traditional homes, having both the father and the mother it is usually much more different and complex because they need to act like one and be a team for the home to be harmonious. Otherwise, it is usually a disastrous reoccurring event of disagreements, and someone not talking to the other. Or in some cases the battle of the parents. What needs to always be maintained is that the only way a home can be peaceful and productive for all; that includes children, is if the parents are okay the home will be okay!

Have a balance between your work life and home life

A lot of people struggle with this part of the family, not just the men but the women too. The woman is also fast becoming the breadwinner and with the option of the help slowly limiting the time that she appears at home. If you can find time for work, yes it is important as it maintains your home, you should also work hard to be there for your family. Both as the father and as the mother.

Have spousal time

Most of the time parents forget that before they were parents, they were someone’s boyfriend, or girlfriend. They forget that meaning, they close of that part of their life and forget that the other person still needs that in their life. Opening the door to adultery, cheating, and any forms of marital dishonesty and infidelity.

Just like you create time to do homework with your child, create time to be with your spouse, talk to them about them and just you not the children, bills and or relatives or the boss.

Your family should come first

Because after everything goes and it is all said and done, they are the only thing that cannot be taken from you. Erased. Or claimed.  What you do with them, say to them and decide on will be a reflection of what you think of them. Put aside everything else that dictates how you should handle them, your time with them and outside input. No one knows them better than you do. So always do what is best for them and not what everyone else might recommend.


Everyone needs appreciation for what they do. Books will tell you not to expect it but humans err and when they do something they want someone to stop and take notice. The wife from the husband, the husband from the wife, the children from the parents and the parents from the children. The deed may be small but if you take notice give them a thumbs up. It does wonders and makes the work and push harder for bigger and better just for you so they can get the pat on the back again. Appreciation makes a person reach higher when they could have settle for the current.

Do not undermine your spouse

In front of the children. Sometimes parents can join the league of kindergarten children. Their methods of warfare can be juvenile. A parent knows how they feel about their children and they also know their partner feels the same way. When they do not get along, the arsenal is usually the kids.

Do not make the other parent look bad to the children. It might feel good but if you can do that they can also do that and that is a situation you do not want.


Self-explanatory. Respect someone’s thoughts. Respect someone’s ideas. Respect someone’s efforts, their ambition, their hard work, their time, their side of the family, their friends (this one can be subjective). It may not look big to you or that important but remember they are important to them. That includes the children just because you shelter them does not mean they should be made to feel any less.

No room for grudges

If you have an issue, let it be known. If someone has an issue, let it be solved. Grudges that build up over years become disastrous eventually and can cause a drift that is irreparable in the family. You do not want that.


Respect everyone’s opinion and let them be reflected in the family decisions.

Create time to sped as a family

Does not have to be serious conversations or solving issues. Family should also be able to have fun together and not be a pain in anyone’s crow. It may be having dinner or breakfast together but we all know that rarely work because of different schedules. Just find the time all of you can sit down together and do something you all enjoy together. If you do not enjoy the same thing, take turns to enjoy each of your pass times. That is the only way everyone will look forward to it and you will also learn about every member of the family.

Does not have to be a whole day either, an hour is sufficient!

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