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7 things I look for in a man

22 May 2015, 17:36 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I have been looking up something and I constantly come across, ‘what men notice when you meet’, ‘what he looks for on a first date’, and ‘what he is thinking when you do this or that!’

So I knew it was up to me to come up with one for the Kenyan men from a Kenyan woman’s perspective. This is a one woman’s opinion not every other woman’s opinion.

So what do I first notice when I meet a guy?

What he is/ was doing

Let us be honest, if it was not a blind date that person must have been doing something or in some cases not doing something. It’s obviously a negative when you approach me and I saw you idling a couple of minutes ago. For example, if I see you approach me and I saw you get up from a bench at the Aga Khan Walk, I remember something I had forgotten from the direction I was just coming from. Do not say that maybe you spotted something on my shirt. A woman knows the look a man gives her when he is about to ask her out. To where though, because you are obviously jobless and not interested in rectifying that situation. All Kenyan women know that type; you will never miss them at the lunch hour, just go where I have mentioned above.

On the other hand, eligible people are always proactive-at the coffee shop, walking away or anywhere, they will be doing something! Even when a proactive man is just sat staring a way, you can tell the mind is working some mathematics. Not at the Aga Khan walk!

A man’s posture

This is something that I always notice from the get go. It has never failed me either. An upright posture says a lot not just for the men but the women too. There’s is a certain air of confidence and self-worth that can be seen from the way a man carries themselves.  They might be down and still being beaten but they are sure they will get up and that is what any woman wants. We are not afraid of your failure, its just that we want to support someone that we know will not give up easily. No matter how hard or tough it gets.

Let us not even talk about that one that readily slouches at the bus stop-on the bench, on the pole, basically anything that can support them!

The way you look

Not height, breadth, how handsome –these are all variables! Just basic grooming and hygiene. Just cleanliness and neatness. A person who takes time to look good for themselves speaks a lot. Not because they are trying to impress anyone or do it because of the importance of that one particular day- for example, an interview! But because they understand it is a part of self-image.

Am not saying you douse yourself in cheap cologne. Brushing your teeth, cutting your hair, grooming your chin and ironing a shirt is good enough for a lot of us. Refrain from dirty socks, they can be embarrassing.

What you are paying attention to

Is it my chest, my body, or me as a person? If we are talking, the mind is allowed to wander away. If it is from the get go though, that just tells me that you are only interested in a one-time session and you are gone. In which case, you are also gone from my books.

If you cannot stand to pay attention to me for a few seconds then what are we doing. It is not always going to be in the bedroom you know?

Your manners

Are you a gentleman or not? Do u know how to eat without leaving food all over the place? Are you a braggart?  I am afraid of braggers they tend to live in la-la land half if not the whole time. I like being surprised.

Your manners do not have to be exclusive to me but to everyone- the waiter/ waitress, maid, a worker, any old woman in the street or old man. It just says a lot for your compassion and patience with other people. Unless they are the ones being idiots.

I am not going to look for

What car you are driving

First because people are allowed to walk. You might not have one now but you may have the drive to get one later. The gas prices are up and matatu beats the hassle of looking for gas yourself. Also I think matatu makes life easier- no hassle if the weather is bad or in traffic, they know how to figure it out. So you are allowed to want to walk if it rocks your boat.

Your job description

Right now, a wise woman knows that not all people are employed. So looking for your job description is the list of my worries. A lot of people are self-employed and running their own businesses. That says a lot for an individual’s self-drive. But I still will look at your habits to gauge if you are a conman, criminal or just anything that is bound to make my life worse.

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