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5 ways to stop him using you for sex

28 August 2015, 18:16 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I could not find a better word to describe the women who end up in this category, so I just settled for sex material. The men in your life never ever pop the question for you. You think it is all going so well, you were doing everything right and you were oh so convinced that he was in the same boat as you but he was not. It never even ends with him marrying someone else; there are the ones that just cut you off in preference of being single as they continue fishing in the sea. Are you so bad after all?

Don’t ever let the men that come into your life disrespect you

Even once! It does not just lie in the physical but emotionally and even with words. Do not allow it to happen. That is usually the first step that men use to judge how you view yourself. If you do not have a very high opinion of yourself and take whatever craps he feels like feeding you, then what business do you have being his woman and the mother of his children? It does not matter the number of excuses you make up to let him get away with it; bad day at work, poor ROI, family drama. Whatever it is, he can talk about it but not drag you through the mud with it.

For the above to happen and work, you will have to work on your self esteem and confidence which a lot of women do not have when they get desperate.

Demand what you want from the beginning

Tip toeing around people has never won anybody prizes. If you walk on eggshells afraid of telling this man what you want, he will be comfortable. He will also go out with who he wants because at the end of the day, ‘you are not my girl. So?’ You would rather he tells you he does not want you and you move on rather than wait and not be going anywhere. How can it be so easy to ask for a raise at work but not ask for commitment from someone having sex with you? Demand respect, demand fidelity, demand his support, demand to go out on dates because that is what real relationships are about, demand him to be there and demand his commitment. You cannot live off welfare, he knows that!

You need to be able to distinguish the things that matter to you from the things that do not

Is it family or the money? Is it status or simple pleasures? Align yourself with a man that will enable you to see the bigger picture. You will find union in that. On the other hand, settle for simple bags and shoes and that is what you will get. Any man can afford that in my opinion and you will be in looking out at the next one who can afford the next best thing. There are many of those going around by the way. For you to be wife material, you need someone who can fulfill you simultaneously while helping you head towards the right direction. You cannot keep jumping here and there and maintaining the sex-machine, materialistic pariah then crying because no one wants you.  How will the kids eat if he dies?

You have nothing to prove to the men that are in your life

They are the ones that should have something to prove. You have got a job, a career, pay your own bills and you have a life. If you do not have the aforementioned, then start working on it because then, that is when you need to prove something and that already makes it hard to move you to wife material status.  No one wants a hanger-on. It is cute to be dependent at first but it gets old real quick. All women can be dependent but the extra woman is the one who is actually independent. She does not need him.

Do not give free favors

I have talked about this enough times for you to understand that it never gets you anywhere and if it does, it is with a man who already knows he can never do better than you. He has also settled which means you have also just screwed up by being with someone who will never satisfy you.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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