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5 true instances of jealousy gone real crazy

14 September 2016, 00:01

Nairobi - My friend claims the new girlfriend he has had for only a month is too jealous. Last week she went through his inbox and did not like what she found there. He sorely lost the ensuing violent argument. She dashed his phone against the wall and hurled him after it. A week later and you can still see where his face met the wall. He thinks those are grounds for a break up but understandably he is hesitant of making the proposition to her. I don’t understand how a man starts dating a woman obviously strong enough to hurl him against the wall, and, how, having made that mistake, decides to be anything other than a model boyfriend.

But that’s jealousy. One would be hard pressed to find a jealousy story that doesn’t sound like the handiwork of an unhinged mind. Let’s see what jealous lovers get to when they are not throwing people’s friends and their phones against the wall.

1.      Double jeopardy.

Some Chinese guy had his gadget chopped off, twice. To be honest it was his fault. He used his wife’s mobile phone to send a raunchy message to his 21 year old mpango wa kando and forgot to log out. His wife waited for him to fall asleep and chopped off his member. Fan Lung (poor guy) had it reattached but Feng Lung (determined wife) was not to be beaten. She followed him to the hospital, chopped off the healing manhood and tossed it out of the window, where it was lost forever.

2.      Othello Syndrome.

Steve Wood’s wife keeps a close watch on him to make sure he doesn’t cheat. She scans his financial records, phone records and social media accounts a few times every day. If he so much as steps out, she hooks him to a lie detector so he doesn’t lie about what he had gone to do. She has also spent quite a sum to buy him x-boxes to keep him entertained so he doesn’t even look at girls on TV. This guy is only a step away from having Guantanamo techniques used on him. But she has an excuse. She is both morbidly fat and a sufferer of Othello’s Syndrome, an unfounded fear that she is being cheated on.

3.      Astronomical Jealousy.

Astronaut Lisa Nowak’s jealousy is out of this world. While married she had an affair. When the lover left her for another woman, she drove 1000 kilometers wearing a pamper so she wouldn’t have to stop for anything to go kidnap and possibly murder her rival. Lisa only managed to pepper spray her before she was caught.

4.      Presidential Jealousy.

Lowell Turpin smashed his girlfriend’s laptop against the wall and punched her in the face. All this was because he thought she was dating the dashing older man whose picture he saw on her Facebook page. Turns out the man was Mitt Romney.

Related, a man who found himself standing next to Barrack Obama at a voting booth and took the opportunity to warn him not to touch his girlfriend. The surprised president couldn’t resist the urge to hug the woman and make a brother jealous. I think that’s one vote he lost and another he kept.

5.      Night Watchman.

A Zimbabwean man took on the role of a watchman, sleeping outside his ex-lovers house every night to make sure no man came to visit her. The woman had run away from home claiming physical and verbal abuse. The man said the woman was a party animal who often left their child unattended and that he had caught her 4 times with other men in their house. Court took a dim view of the man’s case and ordered him to find another sleeping place.

Bernard Lugagah

- MyNews24

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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