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6 tips to dating single mothers

18 January 2016, 15:15 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I have talked about the benefits of dating a single mother. I mean, she has no time to be gallivanting outside at night because the baby is waiting at home. Most are good and responsible with money because before she buys that ‘Buttercup’ face powder for KES 3500; she will start wondering whether her child has food, will have shelter and whether the fees are paid. She has the basic cooking skills because the child has to eat and what do you know, she will rarely have the time for cheating because the child consumes whatever time she has. We are talking about the mothers that live with their children not the ones who leave them with the mother at ‘home’ so that she can find a husband in the city.

So really she is good wife material if you can overlook the constant reminder that there was someone there before you. Also I will do the single mothers a solid by informing their future beaus what they have to contend with when he eventually start dating her or being in a relationship with her.

Like I have mentioned, she will rarely have the right amount of time for you

If she is living with her child, her priority will be the child in terms of whatever little time she will have. You will find that at times she is not available on a weekend because it is the first free slot she has had from work to have ‘me’ time with the child. You will hear more no’s than yes and it will put doubt in your mind as to whether she actually wants to see you because you are thinking weekend is free for everyone. If she is a good mother who spends time with the child, it will be hard to get a date. On the other hand, there is the other type that will not think twice about clubbing the night away; there is your answer.

Her child will be her priority

Unlike most men who become the priority for the woman he dates; you will be unlucky by being second priority. Part of the reason most men are afraid of dating the single mother. He just never will be a priority.

If it gets serious, start reconciling yourself to the idea of the child coming with her

Another reason men are afraid of the single mother. Most men pretend to like the idea of the child up until it is time to move to the marital home and the child has to come along. Will you be the one to suggest she sends the child away to her mother or the child’s father, if available? If you know you will not be comfortable with another man’s child in your house, then you are not well suited to dating a single mother. Then there is the factor of inheritance and property especially if she has a son. It is up to you at the end of the day but it will cause a rift if you choose to alienate that one and she finds out unless she agrees.

Where is baby daddy?

Baby daddy; is he around or he disappeared or has just never been heard from. The idea of the other man still being around is a turn off but if he chooses to help her co-parent. I think that is good and if they are civil and respectful of boundaries then you should not come between the child and the father.

On the other hand, if you smell fishy business; then maybe that is not your cup of tea-let her go!

If you can’t stand the idea of the other man coming around, then again, that is not your cup of tea.

You will have to be more flexible

The man dating a single mother makes more sacrifices for her as compared to the other man. You will have to bend more than she will ever have to. You will have to compromise more on your time than she will have to on time. No night visits for you to her place to be honest. No night and weekend trips because the child cannot be left alone over long with a help or whatever. So basically you are jogging while other men walk.

You have to win love from two sides

It’s not just the woman you have to win over but the child too. So basically you are courting two people with different wants and needs you have to adapt to.

If you are not ready for that, then do not bother her with the idea of trying. Because again she just can’t keep bringing different men around her child.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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