5 rules to consider when dating the ex
18 September 2014, 12:01
Nairobi - Personally dating the ex for me is a bad move; you broke up
for a reason. Not because you needed space, because if it had been about that,
normal couples give each other space within the relationship. But you two had
decided you are not working out and that’s why you let each other go. But, some
people, just want to test the waters again. There are a few rules to go by:
Usually, it is one
partner who comes up with the proposal. One of you just has to be thinking
everyone has moved on. But do not go after someone who still has a lot of fury,
anger, resentment and they are still hurting; let sleeping dogs lie. At times
maybe it is you with issues: jealousy, insecurity, you are desperate, needy,
then you also need to work on those too. You cannot build a completely new
relationship with the same personal issues. At the end of the day both of you
have to have fresh minds when going into it.
Like said earlier, personal issues need to be sorted. Your
mind is at war. You want the ex one minute, the next you are busy trash talking
them and feeling sorry for yourself for what you think they did to you. When
you are busy fighting with yourself, you do not have room to come up with new
ways to woo them back. Refresh your mind.
Read also: Your girlfriend will not keep your secrets
It’s your ball game or no one else’s
Me, me, me…my way or no one else’s. That is why you are in
this situation of trying to get the ex back again. You just like having things
go your own way without consideration for the other party. In true sense, you
are just one who is talking the talk about how much you really have changed,
but have you?
Forcing things is not the way to go, do not fast forward
things when the other party may really not want you at that point in time. Give
them time and space to heal too.
Positive, not negative influences
When you are busy criticizing, blaming or arguing with them
for things they are doing now, just reminds them of how you are the last person
on earth they want to be with. You are basically re-incarnating negative
impressions of you that they just want to get over. Having mood swings and
creating situations where they have to keep defending themselves sets you up to
being a persona non-grata to them.
Creating not recreating
Breaking-up with someone forces a new reality check on you
that was never there before. You do not look at them in the same way, when you
entered the relationship you were starry eyed and had no idea that this person
could be a different person. You need to ask yourself if you can picture
yourself with this new person you discovered when you broke up or they are just
too much or even too little for you.
It is building a new relationship on a clean slate and not rebuilding
the old one.
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