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5 rules to consider when dating the ex

18 September 2014, 12:01 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Personally dating the ex for me is a bad move; you broke up for a reason. Not because you needed space, because if it had been about that, normal couples give each other space within the relationship. But you two had decided you are not working out and that’s why you let each other go. But, some people, just want to test the waters again. There are a few rules to go by:


Emotional availability

Usually, it is one partner who comes up with the proposal. One of you just has to be thinking everyone has moved on. But do not go after someone who still has a lot of fury, anger, resentment and they are still hurting; let sleeping dogs lie. At times maybe it is you with issues: jealousy, insecurity, you are desperate, needy, then you also need to work on those too. You cannot build a completely new relationship with the same personal issues. At the end of the day both of you have to have fresh minds when going into it.


Victim mentality

Like said earlier, personal issues need to be sorted. Your mind is at war. You want the ex one minute, the next you are busy trash talking them and feeling sorry for yourself for what you think they did to you. When you are busy fighting with yourself, you do not have room to come up with new ways to woo them back. Refresh your mind.

Read also: Your girlfriend will not keep your secrets

It’s your ball game or no one else’s

Me, me, me…my way or no one else’s. That is why you are in this situation of trying to get the ex back again. You just like having things go your own way without consideration for the other party. In true sense, you are just one who is talking the talk about how much you really have changed, but have you?

Forcing things is not the way to go, do not fast forward things when the other party may really not want you at that point in time. Give them time and space to heal too.


Positive, not negative influences

When you are busy criticizing, blaming or arguing with them for things they are doing now, just reminds them of how you are the last person on earth they want to be with. You are basically re-incarnating negative impressions of you that they just want to get over. Having mood swings and creating situations where they have to keep defending themselves sets you up to being a persona non-grata to them.


Creating not recreating

Breaking-up with someone forces a new reality check on you that was never there before. You do not look at them in the same way, when you entered the relationship you were starry eyed and had no idea that this person could be a different person. You need to ask yourself if you can picture yourself with this new person you discovered when you broke up or they are just too much or even too little for you.

It is building a new relationship on a clean slate and not rebuilding the old one.

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