5 pointers you are not ready for marriage
23 September 2015, 14:18
Nairobi - Are you ready for marriage? Not? Here's 5 ways to know.
You think you are but are you really?
We all like to assume that we are; you have known someone
for 5+ years, maybe lived with them in that time and you are thinking, ‘yes, we
are compatible, like each other/ love each other well enough and we don’t argue
that much. So yes we are ready!’ Neither am I talking about having saved
vicariously for the past couple of months to make your big day the ‘it’ day. It
is good if you do but are you ready for your partner, your life with them and
what the two of you will build or destroy together.
You never think about the last part because we all like to
think that it will work itself out or love will sort itself out. I do not know
what it is about marriage and its euphoria but it does tend to make people a bit
delusional and we always run with that. But wait a minute, you know your
partner, so are you ready for them?
You are not ready if (they) you do not know how to handle
Honey moon extends to the first couple of months or year after
you get back from the actual one. Stress does not necessarily have to come from
your partner or the marriage itself but stress from external factors; work,
family, career, and or business is what encroaches on your calm home life. Now,
you try your best to keep it away from your partner but as soon as you two
become life-long partners you find out that it is something you end up carrying
home with you. If you are not able to look at your partner as a neutral you end
up blaming them for not being supportive enough.
You are not ready if (they) you are not good with money
Right now, living together or as a couple, you respect each
other’s boundaries when it comes to money. You think that everyone is
committing what they can so you will not step on anyone’s toes. Or maybe one of
you is doing much more than the other. Marriage comes with a lot of pressure
and money is included, if your partner or you are not good with money, then
brace yourself because it will cause friction. There will be a tag of war and normally,
the one who kept picking up the other one’s mess is the one who gets a reality
check and wants their partner to conform. It becomes harder when they on the
other hand will come back with such a statement, ‘but you knew what and who I
was when you married me!’ They married you knowing you will be able to continue
picking up the mess.
You are not ready for marriage if (they) you are quick to
We all have our levels of anger, some of us are up there and
the rest are down here. In an ideal world we all would like the opposites
attract theory to work here; have someone to bring you down when you are up
there. It does not work that way though. You have to be someone who is able to
manage their anger especially, actually most especially when you are dealing
with your partner, even now before the certificate. Do not say, we are both up
there or they should come down. At times, it is best to let the issues that are
not that important/ practical be ‘won’ by your spouse. You do not have to be
right all the time; even though you know you are.
You are all over the place
Meaning that you just have so much going on and you do not
know the beginning or the end of your pile.
Everything is helter skelter in your life and you do not really have a
plan yet you want to bring someone and your children, the ones you will have
eventually, into it. If you are not yet settled into yourself, your life and
ideas or views then give it a pause. Sort it all out first because marriage has
its own pile you do not want to deal with while you are yet to learn to manage
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