5 keys to a good relationship
27 May 2015, 15:44
Nairobi - I am going to toe the line of neutrality when it comes to
these statements so that I can avoid stepping on any person’s toes.
At times I sit down and really think about these statements,
then I think about people. Then I realize that they are just ambiguous
equations to another picture that people just use to get their point across. To
look like they are making sense. To prove something. But they cannot just apply
like plain bread. They need jam or peanut butter on it otherwise, they would
taste really flat.
I do not like flat food… or bread for that matter!
Communication is key
Communication is the answer to all your relationship
problem. No it is not. At times communicating some points across gets you in
hotter, boiling water than the one you were in before. That is why men are
advised not to tell their wives they are getting fat after they gave birth to
their first child. That is why women are advised not to hurt a man’s ego-this
entails a woman lying through most of the relationship.
That is why a man cannot confess that he once thought of
marrying the neighbor’s house help as the second wife or the wife saying she
has a secret account because she knows the husband is a spendthrift who is into
pyramid schemes. At times, communication is rarely the answer, lack of it does
some good in enabling the peace in the house and having the children grow in a
At times one spouse is not so intelligent that you can’t
have a grown up conversation with them. That is when as the intelligent party
you just do and make everything work. Communicating to a gossipy spouse, who
runs and yaps their trap to everyone can get you in jail as well.
Love is all that matters
Rapunzel, Snow white, Cinderella-especially her, she was a
maid. If even fairytale princesses went through hardships in order for them to
get to the good stuff. Why do you think that all you have to say to someone is
you love them and they should be able to figure out how to make you happy? You
turn tail at every problem that presents itself in your relationship because
someone sold you on love being the conqueror of all. No, it does not conquer
anything other than the initial stages of lust. The initial stages of someone seeing
you without make-up. That first time someone actually sees your true colors
after the argument. Love is good it helps to know that you can actually stand
someone on their sick days.
After that, you are on your own. That statement should have
been love is enabled by hard work. Relationships are work! That is why I am
playing cat and mouse when someone tries to get me in one.
You complete me
You will know this statement from the Bible where it says,
‘two become one!’ Of course you become one-in the children you procreate, the
bank account you share, going to see the mothers together or attending gatherings together, sharing a name, all that
Some of you though take this one too seriously. No one is
your other half. You each live in separate bodies and separate minds.
Do not give the other person duty to carry your burdens,
shoulder your past bitterness with people, or pains. It is okay if they share
in them but don’t turn someone else’s life miserable because being with them
has not made it better.
They can be there for you, yes! But it is not their work to
work it out for you. That is your work. Nothing ruins any relationship faster
than a party leaning on the other person. Make it a symbiotic relationship-I
don’t remember that science class too clearly but the buffalo carried some bird
and it in turn ate its pests. That is how it works.
Marriage is not about sex
I knew if I started with this one, some of you would have
turned tail. So I saved it.
Yes, marriage is about more than sex. It is meant to be
spiritual, emotional, mental, and social but it is also PHYSICAL. That is why
people do not marry their brothers or their sisters. If we wanted to live in
separate bedrooms and ignore each other for a week, our siblings would have
worked just fine.
Why should you treat your spouse like a sibling but want
them to take care of their other duties as a husband or a wife?
Sex forms one of the key parts of a healthy relationship.
You can argue about it, you can come up with a quote about it but you cannot
get away from it. For a relationship to be healthy and good-sex is part of it!
Do not sleep on any arguments
If this one were true, a lot of people would be ousted out
of their marital homes or relationships.
Mistakes are bound to happen. Some are bigger than others.
Others cannot be solved between the two of you alone. If you have it out there
and then hurtful comments are bound to be said. Slip of the tongue is bound to
happen and rash decisions can be made.
So, at times it is better to walk away and cool off. At
times it is better to go for that business trip and come back when everybody is
back to normal.
What this should have said is, do not live any matter
unresolved. It keeps grudges and that is what a lot of people do. You go away
to cool off, you come back, someone is smiling and you chose to sweep it under
the rug until next time.
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