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5 keys to a good relationship

27 May 2015, 15:44 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - I am going to toe the line of neutrality when it comes to these statements so that I can avoid stepping on any person’s toes.

At times I sit down and really think about these statements, then I think about people. Then I realize that they are just ambiguous equations to another picture that people just use to get their point across. To look like they are making sense. To prove something. But they cannot just apply like plain bread. They need jam or peanut butter on it otherwise, they would taste really flat.

I do not like flat food… or bread for that matter!


Communication is key

Communication is the answer to all your relationship problem. No it is not. At times communicating some points across gets you in hotter, boiling water than the one you were in before. That is why men are advised not to tell their wives they are getting fat after they gave birth to their first child. That is why women are advised not to hurt a man’s ego-this entails a woman lying through most of the relationship.

That is why a man cannot confess that he once thought of marrying the neighbor’s house help as the second wife or the wife saying she has a secret account because she knows the husband is a spendthrift who is into pyramid schemes. At times, communication is rarely the answer, lack of it does some good in enabling the peace in the house and having the children grow in a stable room.

At times one spouse is not so intelligent that you can’t have a grown up conversation with them. That is when as the intelligent party you just do and make everything work. Communicating to a gossipy spouse, who runs and yaps their trap to everyone can get you in jail as well.


Love is all that matters

Rapunzel, Snow white, Cinderella-especially her, she was a maid. If even fairytale princesses went through hardships in order for them to get to the good stuff. Why do you think that all you have to say to someone is you love them and they should be able to figure out how to make you happy? You turn tail at every problem that presents itself in your relationship because someone sold you on love being the conqueror of all. No, it does not conquer anything other than the initial stages of lust. The initial stages of someone seeing you without make-up. That first time someone actually sees your true colors after the argument. Love is good it helps to know that you can actually stand someone on their sick days.

After that, you are on your own. That statement should have been love is enabled by hard work. Relationships are work! That is why I am playing cat and mouse when someone tries to get me in one.


You complete me

You will know this statement from the Bible where it says, ‘two become one!’ Of course you become one-in the children you procreate, the bank account you share, going to see the mothers together or attending  gatherings together, sharing a name, all that and more.

Some of you though take this one too seriously. No one is your other half. You each live in separate bodies and separate minds.

Do not give the other person duty to carry your burdens, shoulder your past bitterness with people, or pains. It is okay if they share in them but don’t turn someone else’s life miserable because being with them has not made it better.

They can be there for you, yes! But it is not their work to work it out for you. That is your work. Nothing ruins any relationship faster than a party leaning on the other person. Make it a symbiotic relationship-I don’t remember that science class too clearly but the buffalo carried some bird and it in turn ate its pests. That is how it works.

Marriage is not about sex

I knew if I started with this one, some of you would have turned tail. So I saved it.

Yes, marriage is about more than sex. It is meant to be spiritual, emotional, mental, and social but it is also PHYSICAL. That is why people do not marry their brothers or their sisters. If we wanted to live in separate bedrooms and ignore each other for a week, our siblings would have worked just fine.

Why should you treat your spouse like a sibling but want them to take care of their other duties as a husband or a wife?

Sex forms one of the key parts of a healthy relationship. You can argue about it, you can come up with a quote about it but you cannot get away from it. For a relationship to be healthy and good-sex is part of it!


Do not sleep on any arguments

If this one were true, a lot of people would be ousted out of their marital homes or relationships.

Mistakes are bound to happen. Some are bigger than others. Others cannot be solved between the two of you alone. If you have it out there and then hurtful comments are bound to be said. Slip of the tongue is bound to happen and rash decisions can be made.

So, at times it is better to walk away and cool off. At times it is better to go for that business trip and come back when everybody is back to normal.

What this should have said is, do not live any matter unresolved. It keeps grudges and that is what a lot of people do. You go away to cool off, you come back, someone is smiling and you chose to sweep it under the rug until next time.

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- MyNews24

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