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5 dating rules for single mothers

26 May 2015, 14:30 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Dating for single mothers is not easy. Here are some tips.

When should you actually talk about your child?

You should not go past the second or third date without mentioning that you have a child. But it should not be the first thing on your agenda on the first date.

A first date is just about the two of you and that is what a lot of people forget on a date, not just single mothers but everyone. You want to talk about the ex, the evil workmate, the boss, your siblings, the past and the abuse or good times that came with it.

The first date is all about two individuals getting to know each other! You have to have interests, a passion, and your work.

Starting a first date with your child, your ex and why you separated or are yet to separate gives the other party not enough time to get to know you but to form preconceived notions and conclusions. They do not see YOU but your baggage.

I am all for someone loving you and all that comes with it but make it easier by letting them like you first so that they appreciate your baggage too. Because why should they go with someone who comes with all that when they can have they easier option.


Letting the baby daddy take center stage in your new situation

I am not going to call it a relationship because at times it has not progressed that far before baby daddy creates a rift.

When he calls on your date, you pick the call.

Don’t tell me he does not know what to do when it comes to the only night he gets to sit with his own child.

When he thinks he can show up at any time.

The worst is when you actually showed him where your beau stays in case of an emergency and he now thinks the baby crying is an emergency.

When he thinks he can give you advice on your new beau

He himself could not handle your relationship, how in all heavens is he going to help make this situationship work for you. As a single mother, stop being dumb.

I hear single fathers talking about their ex who is their baby mamma being deranged, we also have that category of baby daddies who do not know how to let things go. They think they own you because you reproduced at one point in time with them! Do not let the ex dictate how you handle your relationships. His job in your life is the children. If he cannot afford Pampers, he surely should not be able to afford an opinion in your life.


Rushing the situation

When you are out of rotation for a while like single mothers can be; after divorce or after baby daddy disappears, you tend to overdo things.

She will be exclusive to one individual and try to make that one person fit into her life. It is easier for single mothers to do this because she does not want to have to remember who she is seeing on this particular day while she figures out who the baby sitter is. Also it is trickier when she has to have the talk with over three people in the span of a month. The talk is-informing the other person about the child.

He already knows her situation and she does not have to keep worrying about their reaction to it. In the end she is already thinking of him meeting the family while he is still figuring out whether he can actually handle the whole package. Women are good at multitasking but not when it comes to dating. We tend to latch onto one person and try to make them go with our schedule. Try to avoid this!

Or when he calls and you call the children to say hi or goodnight-that just kills the mood for anyone!


Ordering your plate and some to carry home for the kids

It does not matter if the guy already knows about the children or child. I get the guilt that comes with being at a fancy restaurant and eating fancy food and fancy dessert while you left the kids with not so fancy food.

Even though you are paying for it yourself it just creates a tone that will constantly remind the guy that it is never about the two of you alone. You have to create breathing room before this actually happens. You can always go back on your own and buy the dessert for them.


Checking your phone for emergencies or accident that may have happened

This is sort of an incurable one because you do not want to be the mother who has gone off line because she is busy man hunting.

You can keep your phone on for a real emergency. Look for capable people that you are sure can take care of the child while you are out; such that they do not call you only because the children are up to no good.

Phones already make it a task for relationships to work, yours comes as a double because you are not even paying attention to the other person but recreating scenarios of what could have gone wrong because the phone is yet to ring.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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