5 dating rules for single mothers
26 May 2015, 14:30
Nairobi - Dating for single mothers is not easy. Here are some tips.
When should you actually talk about your child?
You should not go past the second or third date without
mentioning that you have a child. But it should not be the first thing on your
agenda on the first date.
A first date is just about the two of you and that is what a
lot of people forget on a date, not just single mothers but everyone. You want
to talk about the ex, the evil workmate, the boss, your siblings, the past and
the abuse or good times that came with it.
The first date is all about two individuals getting to know
each other! You have to have interests, a passion, and your work.
Starting a first date with your child, your ex and why you
separated or are yet to separate gives the other party not enough time to get
to know you but to form preconceived notions and conclusions. They do not see
YOU but your baggage.
I am all for someone loving you and all that comes with it
but make it easier by letting them like you first so that they appreciate your
baggage too. Because why should they go with someone who comes with all that
when they can have they easier option.
Letting the baby daddy take center stage in your new situation
I am not going to call it a relationship because at times it
has not progressed that far before baby daddy creates a rift.
When he calls on your date, you pick the call.
Don’t tell me he does not know what to do when it comes to
the only night he gets to sit with his own child.
When he thinks he can show up at any time.
The worst is when you actually showed him where your beau
stays in case of an emergency and he now thinks the baby crying is an
When he thinks he can give you advice on your new beau
He himself could not handle your relationship, how in all
heavens is he going to help make this situationship work for you. As a single
mother, stop being dumb.
I hear single fathers talking about their ex who is their
baby mamma being deranged, we also have that category of baby daddies who do
not know how to let things go. They think they own you because you reproduced
at one point in time with them! Do not let the ex dictate how you handle your
relationships. His job in your life is the children. If he cannot afford
Pampers, he surely should not be able to afford an opinion in your life.
Rushing the situation
When you are out of rotation for a while like single mothers
can be; after divorce or after baby daddy disappears, you tend to overdo
She will be exclusive to one individual and try to make that
one person fit into her life. It is easier for single mothers to do this
because she does not want to have to remember who she is seeing on this
particular day while she figures out who the baby sitter is. Also it is
trickier when she has to have the talk with over three people in the span of a
month. The talk is-informing the other person about the child.
He already knows her situation and she does not have to keep
worrying about their reaction to it. In the end she is already thinking of him
meeting the family while he is still figuring out whether he can actually
handle the whole package. Women are good at multitasking but not when it comes
to dating. We tend to latch onto one person and try to make them go with our
schedule. Try to avoid this!
Or when he calls and you call the children to say hi or
goodnight-that just kills the mood for anyone!
Ordering your plate and some to carry home for the kids
It does not matter if the guy already knows about the
children or child. I get the guilt that comes with being at a fancy restaurant
and eating fancy food and fancy dessert while you left the kids with not so
Even though you are paying for it yourself it just creates a
tone that will constantly remind the guy that it is never about the two of you
alone. You have to create breathing room before this actually happens. You can
always go back on your own and buy the dessert for them.
Checking your phone for emergencies or accident that may have happened
This is sort of an incurable one because you do not want to
be the mother who has gone off line because she is busy man hunting.
You can keep your phone on for a real emergency. Look for
capable people that you are sure can take care of the child while you are out;
such that they do not call you only because the children are up to no good.
Phones already make it a task for relationships to work,
yours comes as a double because you are not even paying attention to the other
person but recreating scenarios of what could have gone wrong because the phone
is yet to ring.
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