5 dating facts
28 October 2015, 15:53
Nairobi - It ended in divorce. It stalled. It is not moving. It
ended. He moved on to someone else. Do not take it too seriously otherwise it
might end up taking more out of you than you get out of it-you do not want that.
It is not you but it is just love. Love
gets the best of us; the best of everyone else. Just because you don’t see or
hear about it does not mean that they are not going through it or have never
experienced it. They are just better at hiding their experience.
It did not go the way you expected it to
When we are with somebody as much as we try to avoid it, we
all end up making plans about them without them. We think of what could be and
that makes us keep trying harder for someone even though we are not sure about
them. The devastation comes in when they tell you that they do not see it going
anywhere with you. That is a hard pill to swallow because in your head you are
thinking of the wedding plans you had already made. It is not the end of the
world, just move on to something else. You can take time out or try with
someone else. You feel bad because you raised your mother’s expectations or you
look worse because your little sister is on baby number two. What will you do? Just move on they will deal
with their own emotions, sort out yours first.
You did not do enough to make it work
Whenever a relationship fails the first thing that most
women ask themselves if they invested themselves in it is, ‘what did I not do?’
As a woman at times you have to realize that at times you are investing in the
wrong person and it is not your investment that is the problem. Keep investing
time and effort on the wrong person or people and you will keep getting the
same result. Take a time out, re-evaluate and pick the right person to invest
in; you will get the results you want. You can’t compromise yourself in order
for you to keep someone and make them appreciate.
So it ended in divorce
Someone will tell you that you even failed in keeping a
marriage together. Let me tell you what; people talk out of their ass at times
and pretend like theirs is perfect and going well. Do what you need to do to
keep yourself sane. If your kids are alright and you are supported or can
support them yourself; move on. It was a phase, you tried, you did not fail but
you just did not succeed.
You allowed other things/ people to get in the way
It happens; we can be the ones to allow other people get in
the way of our relationships. We can allow other things to take centre stage
while the relationship suffers. Should you cry; no, but learn from it and fix it. Make the
next one a success from that lesson. How long will you cry for and wallow in
There was nothing there but it took you too long to see it
I have a habit. In order for me not to let the bad back into
my life, I do a very simple thing. I delete that contact and make sure it never
crops up. Women normally delete but they have crammed the number so on a
lonesome night they go back to the, ‘hi you?’ text and it is back again. We cry
that we did not know but you knew you were just hoping that this time you could
make it better and eventually change someone’s mind. Don’t waste your time.
Time can never be brought back. So if it is not working, don’t stay around
begging and hoping. Move on! It is not a failure but a trial that you learnt
from. Who cares what people will say or think?
You two are not moving anywhere
This one is the worst in my opinion. Someone who is in an
active relationship with you but they are just there. Not making plans, not in
a hurry, not cheating, not seeing other people and not telling you where there
mind is. So you can’t also move on because you are thinking it is normal and
they have not given you reason to leave or doubt them. You are in a
relationship. It is normal; what do you do? Just have the conversation. If you want
marriage, ask. If you want a child, ask. If you want permanence, ask. At times
getting a no saves lives. It is not a fail but now you can do something else
and move on to better things.
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