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5 big lessons to learn about relationships

18 December 2014, 18:25 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - When you are in the game, there are things that come up as you go along with each new partner that you date, but still do not end up with. It is not a loss, but you get away having learnt something new.

If none of your relationships have taught you nothing then you have been wasting your time. If you are still miserable about a break up that happened a few years back, then you still have a lot of growing up to do. It is a learning curve that is how I look at dating and relationships. No need to grieve once it is dead.

A few things that any young or even older woman should have learnt by thy time they hit the big 30 and still in the dating department.

A relationship will never complete you

If you want out of the single department so that everything else just falls into the right place. Then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. If you cannot find fulfillment on your own and in what you do without someone else being around to hold your hand, then it is a crutch you need and not a man.

How you treat each other now, is how you will treat each other down the road

If the person you are with does not give you the right kind of involvement, appreciation, trust, respect and love that you want and expect, then leave them for the next person that will be satisfied with what they have to offer. Do not hold on to a relationship where you keep thinking that someone will change, 20/20 times, that never happens because they are not chameleons. A dog will be a dog no matter how many times you close your eyes and wish for something else.

Sex is a no-no on the first date

If you really want something better with someone then that is a rule you have to stick with.  We preach otherwise, and talk about being adults and making decisions with how we want but at the end of the day, better relationships are built on more than sex. You will not have sex 24/7, people need companionship and a good laugh every now and then.

Your list or your type is an overrated experience made up by women in the 19th century

9 out of 10 times some couples never understand the people they ended up with but they are okay or even happier with whom they ended up with. This is because what you have in your head never measures up with what you really get when you go after it. The obstacle that you keep pushing out of the way might actually be what you really want.

Being single is more than good, it’s exhilarating

You figure yourself out, you find out what you really expect of others so that you never settle, you learn how to be happy with yourself and in your own space. If you use that time mopping then you are more messed up than you actually think. Does not matter if they dumped you, cheated, dated your best friend immediately; be the bigger person and be comfortable watching everybody else make a fool of themselves. The next person that finds you will think you are a treasure. 

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