4 ways to ensure your relationship works
22 September 2015, 14:38
Nairobi - Is your relationship struggling? This is why it could be.
One partner starts feeling overworked in the relationship
Note to men and some women; your partner is not your help.
You get so agitated when you come home and your partner does not feel like being
intimate because they had to make supper, clean the kitchen, clean clothes and
they also had to go to work just like you. It is okay that your mother’s could
do it but we are not our mothers, sorry to say. We have each the same work
hours or even longer, we are not housewives and you also expect us t split
bills down the middle. But help your partner out when you can because if we can
go for the alternative and let things pile up; and we will still have to clean
Tell them what you need to be done; do not assume they
should figure it out
‘I hate when my partner does not do this or that. Can you
just imagine? When they pretended to be so nice in the beginning, now I am
seeing their true colors.’ Then I ask, have you told them? ‘No!’ That is the problem
with couples. A baby cries so that the mother knows there is problem. A sibling
will tell a sibling when they crossed lines same extends to friends. Adults on
the other hand, I do not know what happens to you after you cross these stages
that makes you think we all of a sudden become mind readers. Now you are
holding a grudge against your partner because you need them to do something and
you hope they can anticipate it. How? Tell your partner what you want.
Avoid keeping score in your relationship
Relationships at times work like sibling rivalry. I do not
know if it is because we have no one to butt heads against once we move in with
our partner or what it is. But every time your partner does something or there
is a misstep, usually not resolved to your liking, you are thinking, ‘just
wait, next time will be my turn’. That normally turns things to a sour note and
it becomes a tag of war that will eventually hurt the relationship.
Using bargaining chips
We all do it and we all always think it is right. Bargaining
chips are when you ask a favor for a favor; you cannot do something for your
partner without getting something in return. It can be sexy and fun in the
beginning for the little things. I help you wash the dishes, and we have a
‘fun’ night? You take me shopping and you can have a full weekend with the
boys. That is the fun part, in the beginning but when you and your partner get
too deep into it, it turns into manipulation. It touches all parts of your
relationship, for example, no sex if you do not get me that bag or silent
treatment because I want your pin number and you are not giving it to me.
Understood? Both of you end up losing each other’s trust hence destroying your
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