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4 ways to ensure your relationship works

22 September 2015, 14:38 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi - Is your relationship struggling? This is why it could be.

One partner starts feeling overworked in the relationship

Note to men and some women; your partner is not your help. You get so agitated when you come home and your partner does not feel like being intimate because they had to make supper, clean the kitchen, clean clothes and they also had to go to work just like you. It is okay that your mother’s could do it but we are not our mothers, sorry to say. We have each the same work hours or even longer, we are not housewives and you also expect us t split bills down the middle. But help your partner out when you can because if we can go for the alternative and let things pile up; and we will still have to clean it up.

Tell them what you need to be done; do not assume they should figure it out

‘I hate when my partner does not do this or that. Can you just imagine? When they pretended to be so nice in the beginning, now I am seeing their true colors.’ Then I ask, have you told them? ‘No!’ That is the problem with couples. A baby cries so that the mother knows there is problem. A sibling will tell a sibling when they crossed lines same extends to friends. Adults on the other hand, I do not know what happens to you after you cross these stages that makes you think we all of a sudden become mind readers. Now you are holding a grudge against your partner because you need them to do something and you hope they can anticipate it. How? Tell your partner what you want.

Avoid keeping score in your relationship

Relationships at times work like sibling rivalry. I do not know if it is because we have no one to butt heads against once we move in with our partner or what it is. But every time your partner does something or there is a misstep, usually not resolved to your liking, you are thinking, ‘just wait, next time will be my turn’. That normally turns things to a sour note and it becomes a tag of war that will eventually hurt the relationship.

Using bargaining chips

We all do it and we all always think it is right. Bargaining chips are when you ask a favor for a favor; you cannot do something for your partner without getting something in return. It can be sexy and fun in the beginning for the little things. I help you wash the dishes, and we have a ‘fun’ night? You take me shopping and you can have a full weekend with the boys. That is the fun part, in the beginning but when you and your partner get too deep into it, it turns into manipulation. It touches all parts of your relationship, for example, no sex if you do not get me that bag or silent treatment because I want your pin number and you are not giving it to me. Understood? Both of you end up losing each other’s trust hence destroying your relationship.

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Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

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