4 ways stress kills your relationship
02 July 2015, 15:48
Nairobi - Stress from work, stress from your colleagues, stressed
caused by your parents (in-laws included), stress from your studies (assuming
you are in school), even stress caused by your children is bound to put a
strain on the relationship that you share with your partner.
When your partner never appreciates your efforts with them
A lot of women, that
are in long-term relationships/ marriages even the men experience this form of
strain which eventually leads them to not want to be with that person anymore.
Initially you are into it and work hard to make it work. For some they
initially think that it is their fault that the other person is not putting
their 100% in that relationship. So the spouse works hard, in making the home
comfortable, taking care that every part of the relationship works well and
fighting to keep it all together.
The stress part comes in when years later, the partner is
still the same and they are not validating the efforts the other partner has
been putting it all this while. They suddenly realize that they have wasted all
that time trying to make it work for someone who was never going to see it
anyway. If only they could have been wiser then to read the signs and move on
with their lives rather than waste away all that time.
Stress affects your sex life
I think that is why a lot of therapists and sexologists will
tell you to check everything at the door once you are with your partner or at
home. But that is easier said than done. Sex never makes you feel to be ‘in the mood’ with your partner or want
to do anything with them.
You lose out on the intimacy that you might have had or gained in that
When you are not in the mood that practically means that you
are not having sex. Which further means that, no oxytocin or any of those
bonding hormones that increase intimacy in the relationship.
In other words, stress drives a wedge in your relationship
slowly and gradually by the time you realize it, enough damage has been done.
Stress= stress hormones cortisol
What does cortisol do? It gears up one or either both of the
partners for a fight. So at times, when you and your partner are constantly
fighting it may never even just be about the issues at hand but the much bigger
issues that are causing you to have that stress that makes you tear at your
partner when you should not.
In this case, the therapists are right. Do not carry your
outside issues like work and offload them on your partner. If you feel that you
cannot do that communicate it to them and let you have your space. Much better
than creating a wedge where there shouldn’t have been one.
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