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4 things to consider when dating your friend

11 August 2015, 19:05 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -Relationships should have an element of friendship. True! You want someone you can talk to, laugh with and do all those things you do with platonic people only that you ignore the boundary that friendship usually has and escape to clowning your partner because that is what relationships allow.

Most relationships do not start as friendships. True! You all know how that started.

Very few relationships start as friendships. Also true! Very few. Maybe you were childhood sweethearts or you were just friends and decided we can be really good as mates and it works/ worked.

At times that does not work and these are the ones that end badly because you lose two people at the same time. A person who may have been a really good friend; now you also lose a shoulder to cry on and a partner/ spouse.

The people I want to talk about are the ones you are trying to rehabilitate from the friend zone that you put them in.

You have now known each other for a long time. They did not look good for you before. They were not sexy enough for your sexy self. They did not have the kind of money and materialistic visions that you had. You name it, you know the reason that you friend zoned them.

Now you are single, they are single. You know the situation and when you look around you decide, maybe this could work. They get me, we talk better than I ever even did that my sister and bff. This could work. I think it could.

Is it a good idea? Probably not but you are going to do what you want to do no matter what I tell you.

Just remember

How he treated them is how he will treat you

Do not think you will get extra points because he will remember where the both of you came from. You have changed sides. You are moving from friend to girlfriend. How they held that title is also how you will also have to take it. He is not going to change for you, unless you are a really special case and he is the one that came to you. But if you are the one who suggested it, he will come back with, ‘you knew what I was. So?’ Yes, So? If he is good to his women, then you get a 10 for being a very clever lady and snatching that one. A 10. If he is a bad person, who hurts his woman, is narcissistic, abusive and what not then you take a negative because you are a poor decision maker.

You can never take it back

Remember when I said you take a double lose? It is true. Especially when you heavily invested in it and it goes terribly sour. You can lie that you are still friends. But, you had sex, and he saw that side of you that only boyfriends get to see: bad hair days, that time of the month, your sick day, you name it he saw it.

You can no longer make jokes about what is latest girl has done because you might have also done the same. No more sex jokes because maybe you turned out not to be all that and now you know. No more deep sharing because you will get that look of, ‘so that is where you were or what you were doing that night?’ Now do you understand?

It can be awkward…sex can be awkward

One of you might be already there but the other one needs some work. You now have to treat your boy friend as your boyfriend. You are not ‘homies’ or ‘buddies’, it is good when you can remember that and use it to care more for your partner and understand them. You do not get to let yourself go and cry foul. You cannot be as disrespectful as a friend as expect it to work as his woman. Things change. Majorly,

It is a tricky transition and you have to be ready to go there. You will learn things about him and see them in a different light. His sexual desires might freak you out, turn you off or turn you on. One of those.

Do not get confused in the feelings… your feelings

You might be there but he is not. He might want to have sex with you but not want you to be his wife or girlfriend. Do not be offended if he is ready for the former and does not want the latter. Do not be hurt because you asked and as a friend he answered honestly. Do not get confused in your feelings. All of the above goes back to the boundaries that friendship allows and relationships ignore.  Respect his decision and what it may be. Remember that you cannot take it back, so it might get awkward after you ask. Especially if he reads out what makes you a bad girlfriend or wife for him. You will have to not let it get too personal for you because you are homies, right?

For those who it has worked for, then congratulations to you because it never works for the majority.

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