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4 things not to do when meeting the parents

14 September 2015, 18:43 Shakila Alivitsa

Nairobi -  Meeting your partner’s parents for the first time is awkward, but mostly stressful. You are not sure what their boundaries are and you do not want to turn them off with a wrongful attitude or unwise words. You want to get on their good side faster than you would want to get on their bad side.

Keep your partner’s confidences to you between the two of you.

At times, to feel up awkward silence or try to win someone over you want to open up to them and you use information that you might think they will find valuable. When it comes to the parents you will want to tell them something that your partner might have told you in confidence in efforts of bringing them into the loop; to show them that they can trust you in the family. What you end up doing is showing them that they cannot trust their child’s security around you. If they are not around you will talk to someone else. You end up being perceived as worse.

Anything your partner might have told you about their upbringing

Good experiences and reminiscing is good. Remark on a photograph but do not mention shortcomings that your partner might have told you about. You will end up creating tension and creating distrust between the parents and their child. This in turn makes both parties blame you. Another problem you have just created.

Ask personal questions

First time meeting is never the best time to discuss an infirmity, drama and issues your partner might have told you about. First time is about creating a comfortable and casual experience such that they would want to meet you again. If they talk about it do not cut in with your knowledge, let them talk about their experience. You need to maintain a comfortable scenario for them.

Listen more, talk less

Refer to the above text. Do not be the overbearing party; the one who feels uncomfortable. Let them ask you questions and get to know you. Not the other way around.

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