4 things my husband should know
26 March 2015, 15:33
Nairobi - I have a friend who has a very idealistic approach when it
comes to marriage. She wants to marry for love. The man should lover her
unconditionally, above anything else. He should be church going-I think that is
the word she used other than born again. He should always put her first... and
the children that they have. He should embrace her family. I think by embrace
she meant (take care of them when they needed it and also be willing to embrace
their shenanigans if any). Be at the dinner table every evening.
He should not behave the way her father did/ does; come home
late, never appreciated the late mother or them and already moved in another
woman to the house, never taking care of the family or any of his obligations
among other things. By the way, not many Kenyan women would want to marry a man
like their father. That should tell you something about these men. Basically my
friend wants the perfect Kenyan man. I look forward to meeting him as he will
prove to be the anomaly.
It got me thinking about the list that I have for the man I
want to marry. My mother does not approve of my list, she thinks like my
If I get married, the last thing on my list is love, if anything
I do not think it is on my list. My mother thinks I should choose a man who
loves me and I love him. What I want from my husband;
Love cannot do what respect can do in a relationship. A man
who respects you will never make a fool of you. A man who respects you will do
what it takes to shelter you from scorn. A man who respects you, respects your
values and takes time to understand you as a person, not as his lover, friend,
or his woman. He will first logically think of you as a person and what he
would do if you were not a part of him. I will take that over love any day.
Love can be dictated by a host of things: lust, looks, money, situation but
respect is not.
I need a husband who will put himself in my shoes before
talking back to me. If I say I am tired, I need him to understand why. If I say
I do not feel well thus I cannot make dinner, I need him to be able to eat take
out. If I say something, I need my husband to listen because he knows I need to
be heard and not switch off. If I think something does not make sense, courtesy
dictates that he should try and explain not think that I am an idiot because my
female form says so.
Love can be irresponsible, irrational and foolish. I do not
want to make decisions because I am thinking of someone’s love. Putting my
money in a pyramid scheme because love says you support what your spouse wants
and desires. My children will not live shoddily because mother is in love.
I need someone who will know what needs to be done, why it
needs to be done and will do it yesterday and not wait for me to prompt them.
Above all, a good marriage thrives on partnership not one
side caving in on the other. Not just in supporting me, but I need someone who
can see me as an equal and include me in the plans. Maybe not all of them but
the effort of at least one makes me take precautions just in case. Someone who
does not frown at being part of their child’s upbringing. Someone who does not
think it is women’s work to do such and such.
Bottom line is, love is good, but me
thinking with my head will save me future headache. If love comes along fine
but trust me, that will never be that foundation of my marriage.
For the latest on national news, politics, sport, entertainment and more follow us on Twitter and like our Facebook page!
Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.